Durc's Story (Book 4 of 9) Family Ties
by RedRoseOfTexas
Summary: Mother and son have reunited, but this is only the beginning of a new adventure...


Originally posted on Archive Of Our Own June 14, 2019

Durc's Story (Book 4 of 9) Family Ties

Summary:  
Mother and son have reunited, but this is only the beginning of a new adventure...

Notes:  
The original story I wrote was quite a bit different than this one. I rewrote all of this after reading the Land Of Painted Caves, since most of my original version contradicted Ayla's life after Shelters of Stone. I recently reread that original version (awful!) and I am so glad I was forced to redirect my creative mind. Unfortunately, there are inconsistencies that crept in because of the rewriting process. The biggest one, and hardest to fix, is Dura's age relative to Jonayla. Jonayla would have been born a year or two after Durc and Ura met at the Clan Gathering, years before they matured enough to conceive Dura. Since Dura is the main character of much of the remaining books, it would take quite a bit to undo this mistake. Sorry...  
Also, I had avoided making changes to Ms. Auel's main characters up to this point simply out of respect for the original works. I deleted most of the detailed writings of Durc's time with the Mamutoi because I did not feel comfortable interpreting those characters the way I had. With that said, going forward I will be making Ms. Auel's characters (Ayla, Jondalar, Jonayla, …) main characters, and even though I try to keep to her original vision, I obviously had very different creative goals.  
This book is also where I began to dabble in her penchant for detailed, sexually explicit prose. I don't believe I exceeded her descriptiveness, though consensual underage sex features prominently as it did in her earlier stories.  
Finally, this is where I believe my writing skill started to get better, having written a few first draft novels in the interim. Hopefully those who have suffered through the previous ~50K words will find the rest of this more enjoyable.

Chapter 1

An impossibly difficult life. Much of it beyond her control. One impossible decision, haunting her forever more. She carried the pain forward, even when life became bearable, and then wonderful. Durc had been the one bright light in a foreign world she did not belong in. Iza and Creb were good to her, but they tried to make her something she could never be. Ayla could never be a good Clan woman, subservient within the narrow life of the male dominated people. Among the foibles of the new subspecies of human, Cro Magnon, was the ability to find freedom of thought, expression, and action. This broadening range of capabilities went in both the creative direction, as well as the destructive.  
Her decision to leave Durc with a murderous leader and a destroyed home seemed to be a very bad one. She knew the danger of taking a dependent child into the unknown. She barely survived the journey alone. The extra energy required to feed and protect a child would have stopped her from taking risks, pushing on through the wasteland, finding a safe place to survive.  
There is the slight possibility that if she had taken Durc, she would have stayed closer to the peninsula and connected with her original people. Where had they traveled from to die in that earthquake? Probably not far. It was the end of the summer, and they would not have lingered there if their home was a great distance away.  
The decision could have led to tragedy for both of them, together or apart. What it did instead was lead to extraordinary lives. The challenges made them so much more than a normal life would have produced. Durc without Ura. Ayla without Jondalar. Mother and son could not desire that imaginary life any less. Not even for a long lifetime together. Jonayla and Dura were born out of this one decision. Millions would carry their bloodline to the end of humanity. Millions that would never have been born. The truth is we are all born to live extraordinary lives. The choice is ours to risk everything, work, sacrifice, and suffer beyond capability; or settle for the easy way and intoxicate ourselves with the illusion of happiness.  
"Help her up." Jonayla said. Dura had been running along with Jonayla on her horse. She swerved over and stopped next to Jondalar. He lifted the girl effortlessly onto the horse and told her to hold on tight. Off to the horizon they went, faster than Dura ever dreamed of running. Jondalar had known about the mixed boy. It was not something he ever thought he would have to confront. Ayla was proud of her son, but the Zelandonii people were not much more than tolerant of the mixed. His cousin Joplaya had married one, and was not tolerant of any such prejudice. After the prejudices came to the forefront at her matrimonial, she was more than happy to return to her far off Lanzadonii home and never return.  
Jondalar was able to be more open only because it was not a daily problem to deal with. This boy with the tapered head and full beard would now be in his home, perhaps for the rest of his life. Life with Ayla had never been normal. In most ways that was a good thing. In a world where societal ostracism meant death, he still worried that her foreign ways could hurt their standing. It was irrational since he could always move to the more tolerant Lanzadonii and live with the community the man of his hearth had built. He never wanted this, but pictured that likely future as his mate clung to her long lost son.  
Wolf had been sniffing the newcomer with interest. He then began licking their faces until Ayla had to push him away laughing. She looked at Durc, able to still see traces of the boy she knew. She began silently signing with him as if the Clan was the only world they knew.  
"In all my hopes and dreams for this, I never thought it would happen. Why have you risked so much to travel so far?"  
His reply was simple. "Ura sent me. It is literally a lifetime of stories I have to tell you. Much is good, some is very bad. As long as you do not plan to send me away, we have plenty of time for all of it."  
"Send you away? Why would you even think such a thing?"  
"Not you. Others have not been the very tolerant of us."  
"No need to worry about that here, with me."  
"We did not stop for a midday meal, and I am very hungry. I have traveling food in my pack. Would you like to share some with me?"  
"We could, but our camp is down river and we have plenty of bison roast."  
"I will eat as we walk then."  
"Walk? Don't be silly." She whistled loudly and two horses came running over to her.  
"The stories are really true." He said in wonder. "Where is the cave lion? Do you still ride it too?  
"No. my Baby is out there somewhere, king of the tundra. You have Mamutoi clothing, so perhaps you heard him while walking through his territory." She stroked Whinnie's nose. "Tell me one good thing about your life."  
He thought. "Your sister has three children, an older daughter and two born together."  
She teared up again. "Oh Uba. I wish I had been there for her."  
They walked to a low boulder and climbed onto the horse. She guided the horse with gentle leg pressure. They walked slowly, Ayla's arms wrapped around him. Durc was disturbed by this strange activity, but felt safe in his mother's arms. Jondalar followed, walking alongside his horse. His mind was further down the trail.  
Jonayla came riding by, Dura's face overtaken with joy. "Mother, can we go back to camp? We want to go swimming."  
"Only if your ride slowly enough for Wolf to keep up." She called the animal who had rested and they took off at a trot.  
Durc began speaking in Mamutoi since his arms were bound by Ayla's grip. "These people are not accepting of us. We shall leave if it will cause difficulty for you."  
"Your Mamutoi is very good. How long did you stay there?" Ayla said, ignoring his statement.  
"We arrived in highest sun and stayed until the spring rivers began flowing."  
"I cannot wait to here all about them."  
"These people…"  
"Durc, you will not leave me. I don't care what anyone says or thinks or does. You are more important to me than any of them. The people in the North have far more contact with Clan, and their hatred runs deep. We live in the south and there are less problems."  
"Less." Durc repeated thoughtfully as they rode forward in a subdued silence. They rounded a bend and he saw several hide shelters on the other side of the river. Durc wondered how Dura had made contact. He had specifically told her to stay back from people. He saw the young girl's horse grazing on the other side of the river. "How did she find you?"  
"We had just come back from hunting, and I was unloading the meat from the pole drag. We saw the girl running down the opposite shore. Actually, Wolf saw her and started whining. She stopped and looked at us, then jumped in and swam across." Ayla giggled. "She got out of the water and still dripping asked me 'are you the horse woman?' I know some people refer to me as that, but rarely to my face. I no longer have my name. Here, I am now a Zelandoni, both a Mog-ur and Medicine Woman. Every child of mixed spirits makes me think of you. Few days go by that I have not thought of you. Her clipped speech told me she was raised Clan. I sensed a Mamutoi accent. The simple way she pronounced the word 'woman' somehow triggered deep emotional memories. I told her I was the horse woman, but I said it in Clan signs and Mamutoi. The way she lit up, I knew she was special. She became very formal and introduced herself. 'I am Dura. If you are the woman known as Ayla, Danug and the entire Lion Camp send their warmest greetings. I was so thrilled to hear that Danug had returned home safely from his journey. I told her I was once called Ayla. Then she continued with the most shocking words of all. 'I have traveled far to your land with the man of my hearth, the one you know as Durc.' I almost fainted. She then told us you were still up river and she would run back and tell you she had found us. Before I could stop her she was back in the water swimming. I did not know what to believe, but I certainly was not going to wait there for you to show up. We unloaded the rest of the meat and started this way."  
"I told her not to approach Others, but I guess if we were searching for a horse woman, and she sees a woman with a horse, it is quite understandable." The horse stepped carefully in the river and easily crossed over to the camp, only their legs getting wet. "If I had one of these, I wouldn't have had to learn how to swim."  
On the other side Ayla jumped off and helped Durc down. She knelt in front of him again. "Will you ever forgive me for leaving you?" Ayla said with tearful eyes.  
"We will walk the spirit world together someday. There was no need for us to have had more time here first. We would have died on those plains if you had taken me from the Clan. Even if we survived, I never would have had the great life with my beautiful mate Ura and my children. I too left behind a son to be raised by the Clan. I feel no regrets now because I know a Clan child is much better treated in Clan. To Others, we are animals, and I would have hated being raised among even the Mamutoi. I will not forgive your decision, I will thank you for it." Durc then grinned broadly. "I think it would have been easier if you had not traveled all the way here to the end of the earth for me to find you. Ranec says you could have stayed there with him."  
"I might have been content staying at Lion Camp, but I never would have been happy. Ranec was a good man. I hope he found happiness himself."  
"He has three children at his hearth with Trici. He filled Dura's head full of adventurous ideas from across the great southern sea. As badly as Others treat Clan, I see that Dura's adult life with Other's will be better than as Clan woman. Even if I go back, I know she never will."  
They sat and ate bison roast and watched their daughters playing in the river. There were so many questions, Ayla did not know where to start.  
"On this long journey I have had time to think what I should tell you, what would be most important to tell you. I have many stories of my accomplishments and my failures. I could tell you about those who you once knew, and about those that now walk the spirit world. I could tell you of our journey, and how I was guided here by the spirits themselves. What I decided is the most important thing was my biggest failure, causing two to walk the spirit world before their time, and forcing me to take this journey."  
Ayla's tension built as she braced for this sad news.  
"My father, Broud, is dead." Ayla's eyes went wide in shock with almost every possible emotion. "He was killed by that little girl swimming in the river with your daughter. His hatred only grew after you left. Brun protected me until I was old enough to protect myself. I protected Uba when his rage for us made her a target. Ura gave her life protecting me from his final act of murderous rage, and that child of my hearth ended his rage forever." Durc related the details of the final confrontation at the Clan Gathering. "My failure was sparing his life so many years before. My consolation is I know that at the end of life's journey, Ura and I will be together, and no one will take her away from me again."  
Ayla took her time to absorb all of this. Broud still popped up in random nightmares. He nearly destroyed her. He may have shaped who she is today more than any other person she ever knew. It was the injustice of his actions that made her fight back. It was his drive to destroy her that gave her Durc. It was his death sentence that gave her Whinnie, Baby, Wolf, Jondalar, and this empowered life of freedom. Joy and relief was the final result of this news. She was sad for the loss of Ura. Ura was only a small baby of mixed spirits in the distant past, not the fully formed loving wife and mother she became. Knowing that Broud lost his position, and then his Clan, and then his life. This gave Ayla the hope that the world does not ultimately reward evil.  
"My wish to undo events, choices I have made, always takes away from who I have become. It all had to happen exactly as it did. It seems the worst things create the best things. Durc, I have no power to make people welcome you here. If you can get through the bad that is to come, perhaps we can make it better for those who follow us."  
"It may be my weary feet speaking for me, but I do not wish to travel any time soon. If it gets too bad for me, I can cross the mountain pass and stay with Guban. He thanks you for healing his leg. My hope is to get Dura prepared for her continued journey. She will go, and she will not have me to protect her. She has actually saved me far more often than the reverse. I add only caution and planning to her youthful exuberance."  
"Perhaps she will stay if she finds a mate."  
"She will never stay."  
"Maybe she will find someone to travel with. Even though the Others revere women because they are the source of life, she will have trouble if she is alone."  
"Sometimes I think she seeks trouble to make life more interesting. She is maybe a year or two from maturity. She learned a little spear and throwing stick from the Mamutoi. If she can find some competence with tool making and medicine before she leaves, there is a chance she will survive a great journey to tell others about."  
"We can certainly help her learn what she needs. What she may like while waiting to leave on her grand journey is to travel with the trade master. It would be safe in the group and satisfy the need to explore. Her ability with language is amazing. She speaks Zelandonii so much better than Danug ever could."  
"She told me she adjusted her pronunciation after hearing it spoken by the people we met north of here. Did it take you long to adjust… to the Others?"  
"I only had one to get used to." She related the story of finding an injured Jondalar and nursing him back to health in her private valley. "All the people of the Mamutoi summer gathering was a little overpowering. Then we spent the winter with the small group of Lion Camp and I think that is when I became comfortable with them. I cannot imagine a life without Jondalar, but if he had been willing, I would have preferred staying there. They were all such good people."  
"Latie is carrying my child."  
"What? No! You and Latie? How did that happen?"  
"I don't know the whole story. When Danug returned from his Journey they took over leadership of Lion Camp. Latie was with child and mated to a much younger man. I think she had not mated before then because she had not carried a child long, if at all. She lost the child in winter and he left her for another camp the next summer. When Dura and I arrived, I was still grieving from the loss of Ura. She saw my pain matched hers, and we found comfort in each other. As talkative as she was, she never shared her past. I would ask, she would deflect."  
"You wanted to stay with her?" Ayla could see it in his eyes. "But you had to come here."  
"Her life will be difficult enough with a mixed child. No one, even in Lion Camp, were happy about the two of us coupling. They tolerated, mostly because of who I was, son of Ayla. Only you truly understand Clan. Only with you I have no concerns. I worry you not happy to see me, maybe you would be ashamed of me. I not worry about that with you now."  
Ayla was wondering what the mixture would look like. Durc was very Clan except for the forehead. If he was half, then his child with Latie would be half again. If the male characteristics were more dominant, then Latie's child would still be very Clan and always socially on the outside, like Rydag. "What did Ura look like?" He was puzzled by the question. "Was she more Clan or Others?"  
He nodded, seeing where her thoughts had taken her. He had similar thoughts on his long journey. "Very strong Clan like me. Dura much less Clan than her. Latie's child half of half?"  
"You came from the north? Did you cross the glacier?"  
"No. There is a steep mountain pass that is blocked in winter. I follow ice wall. Ground frozen, very dry, no snow, no big rivers. Easy passage, but lonely. Danug tell me his path, many Others. I prefer avoiding Others and Clan. Dura not raised to be good Clan woman. Difficult for her to pretend. My sister does not share Other's prejudice of Clan?"  
It took a moment for Ayla to realize he was talking about Jonayla when he said sister. The two were skipping stones onto the river, talking ceaselessly both in words and signs. It was a mutual refinement of their non-native languages. "She is fascinated by Clan. She loves hearing stories of my childhood with them. She wants to go meet the Clan by the sea. She doesn't quite understand how impossible that would be for a woman. Perhaps with you it would be easier, but not completely."  
"Easy to visit Guban. He already knows me and respects you. Not sure what she would get out of such a meeting though."  
"I think she wants to talk the men into giving their women equal rights." Durc burst into a deep choking laughter that made the girls turn and look at them. Ayla laughed, hopeful the conversation would veer away from the previous dark topics. "Is my sister training the next generation of medicine women?"  
"Daughter Iba is well trained. The two born together are girls and they started training before I left on my journey. She also had the daughter of a medicine woman who died in childbirth training with her. Durc's Clan was made up of those who were less desirable in other Clan's."  
"Durc's Clan? You were leader?"  
"Not really. Brun put me in charge after Broud went to other Clan. Others lead the hunts and ceremonies. I just resolved disputes when necessary and was able to live a non-traditional life."  
"Why would Brun do that?"  
"As you left, he realized that you were the son he wished to have. The Mo-Gur told him that I was the future of the Clan. When Brun was able to step outside the pressures of leadership, I think he gained a different perspective. We were on the edge of starvation the fall after you left. Broud led us to a small cave that was bad in almost every way. There was no water or herds nearby. They would go for days and only return with a few days worth of food. I saved the Clan by finding and killing a Mammoth by myself."  
He smiled at the way Ayla looked at him. She saw no deception in his posture, yet she knew that it could not be true. "How exactly did a four year old boy accomplish this?"  
"I walked up to it and put my spear into its eye." He drank tea from his wooden cup, making her wait for the rest of the story. "I gather medicine with Uba and I see Mammoth heard on plains below cave. I run to cave and grab my spear. A young bull was challenging the old bull and won. I stand on edge of woods and watched. When the young bull left with his new harem, I walk to old bull, laying on side. I touch fur on forehead and started talking to him. He moved and knocked me down, so I put my spear into him. He stopped moving. Clan not hungry after that. Brun very proud of my hunting skills. I learn sling from Zoug and soon I hunt deer and bring back to cave. Broud never let me hunt, so I don't have manhood ceremony.  
"Uba's baby was born with white birthmark on the back of her head. Broud told her it was deformed and that she was to leave it in the woods to die. She refused him and Brun decided Broud no longer leader. Broud was so enraged he went to find Uba to hurt her and baby. She go to bury afterbirth. I follow to protect her and use sling to break his leg before he kill us. I should have killed him. Much better life for everyone if I do that. Brun does not want to be leader, but sees that my way is better way. At end of Clan gathering, we lower rank and Brun tell Clan I will be new leader and to find different cave to make home if they don't want. All but Broud go with me because I am lucky. More come with me, mostly friends I make at gathering. Oda and Ura also come with because Oda's mate die hunting previous year and she is burden. She no burden to me."

Chapter 2: Warnings

Jondalar took Durc aside and asked him to walk up river with him. "We are headed back to the summer meeting tomorrow. It will be difficult for you there. Things have improved since we got back, but it is still bad. People know not to say things around her. Your mother will lose standing when they find out she has a mixed son. That won't bother her. It will hurt her though to see what they do to you."  
"You want us to hide who I am to her." Durc stated simply, having thought this the best course of action himself.  
"No, she would never, ever do that. She is proud of you, even more so now with all you have accomplished. She is stronger than they will ever be. She will want to force them to accept you. I just want you to understand what might happen. My first reaction to the news of your existence was perhaps the most shameful moment of my time with your mother. I looked at that beautiful woman with disgust and revulsion and said the most vile things. It isn't like she chose her life, but I believe she would happily choose it all again for the only family she really remembers."  
"I do not like most Others. When many get together they are even worse. I don't care what they think of me or my mother. I am only concerned with Dura's safety. I still suffer the loss of Dura's mother. My death will be a welcome relief. I am only here for Dura's sake."  
"She may be teased, but if she is with Jonayla, she is safe. We are not a violent people." Jondalar's face clouded as he remembered his own violent outburst that caused him to be sent away. Durc saw the statement become a lie and waited to see if the man would confess the truth. "Boys who have not gained control of themselves are sometimes violent toward others. I was guilty of that myself."  
"You speak of violence against other Zelandonii. You hunt and kill animals for food and furs as we all do. Your people see us as animals. What stops them from killing us?"  
Jondalar nodded. "I will only say that once a mixed child is accepted by the Zelandonii, there is no violence against them."  
"Acceptance? Or tolerance?"  
"They are lowest ranked." Jondalar had to admit. "That doesn't mean much since people are generally regarded for their individual skill. It used to mean everything to me because I was always among the highest ranked. My mother and her mates were highest ranked, so I was born into it. Much of my rank now is my skill with flint and spear. Your mother is among the highest rank because of her skill with everything in this world and the spirit world. There are many that envy her rank and desire to see that fall. She cares nothing of rank, but rank is what may one day lead her to be first of all Zelandonia. In that position she could affect great changes. In many ways she already is that, but there are those that still see her as an outsider. They will use you and Dura against her. There will be many hurtful things said."  
"Is there no one already aware of who I am?"  
"My family knows, some others. Again, it is one thing when it is a story of days long past. It is something much more when given flesh and blood form. I will tell you my first reaction to you was not a positive one. I can now see you are a good person, and I see much of Ayla in you. I think that is because there is still much Clan in Ayla. It is one thing to think Clan are more than animals. It is quite another to think they are better people."  
"They are simpler people. They spend far more time trying just to survive than your people do. They will never thrive like the Others do. They will also never think themselves better than the world they live in. They venerate many animals as their betters, the cave bear spirit being, in essence, their leader. You believe yourselves superior, and in that find justification to destroy. A mother bear protects and guides her young only to survive. This is what the Clan does. The Others seek to do more than survive. They want to dominate and subjugate and destroy what gets in their way. What Others do to the world is what Clan men do to Clan women. I too see you as a good man, if only that you treat my mother as an equal.  
"I could never be her equal." He said with a laugh.  
"I thank you for the warning, and I will do what I can not to hurt my mother's ranking. I do not wish our presence here to be a burden. It will be maybe two years before Dura will feel the pull to continue her Journey. I will not travel with her. I may stay here, I may go back to my home, I may go to the spirit world. I have been told many things of my future, but what happens now appears to be once again mine to choose."  
"You are always welcome here, Durc, son of Ayla." Jondalar reached and grasped both strong hands. Durc could see there was almost no dishonesty in the words.

Chapter 3: Toot Camp

A few of the boys sneered and muttered flathead epithets as Jonayla and Dura walked by them on their way to the center of Summer camp. Even though she wasn't a woman yet, Jonayla knew many of the boys desired her above all. She had status, beauty, mystery, many talents beyond those her age. And she rode on the back of a horse. Dura had been through similar hazing with the Mamutoi, so this reaction was no surprise to her. She knew they saw her as an ugly, undesirable animal, and she would always be that to them. Dura above all craved new experiences, and the possibility of learning more about music was what most preoccupied her mind at the moment.  
"Jonayla!" A boy shouted and ran toward them. "You're back."  
"Greetings Kinidar. I heard you won the long race."  
"I almost beat one of the men. His foot was in pain, but still… I think next year I will beat some, if not all. Who are you?" He said with more curiosity than disdain.  
"Kinidar, son of Zethona, this is Dura, daughter of Ura of the Clan of the Cave Bear and Grandaughter of my mother, Zelandoni of the Ninth Cave. She has traveled here from very far away."  
"Grandaughter? She looks older than you? How can she have a granddaughter older than a daughter?"  
"Because my brother is much older than I am."  
"Oh. I didn't know you had a brother. Greetings Dura, daughter of Ura of the Clan of the Cave Bear and Grandaughter of Jonayla's mother, Zelandoni of the Ninth Cave." He outstretched his hands in greeting. She reached out suspiciously and grasped his hands. "Wow you are strong for a girl! Welcome to the land of the Zelandoni. Are you going to toot camp?"  
"Don't call it that." Jonayla said in mock anger.  
"All I hear is toot toot toot." He said playfully derisive.  
"Come Dura, we shall leave this simpleton to his running games."  
A few steps away Dura leaned over and whispered. "He wasn't afraid to touch me?"  
"Of course not. Why would he be?"  
"Nobody ever… not Others. It is like I have disease."  
Jonayla laughed and put her arm around the girl's shoulder. "If it is a disease, my mother would know how to cure it."

Jonayla introduced Dura to each of the musicians who were more than happy to demonstrate their instruments to the newcomer.  
Jonayla had already shown Dura her flute, but Dura had no ability to move her lips in a way to produce sound. Dura was given an old hollow wooden log and a stick and shown how to tap in different places to produce different tones. The drum master was surprised at how easily she learned the simple patterns.  
"Can you sing?" he asked.  
"I try at Lion Camp. They make fun that I am very bad."  
He smiled and nodded. "Try humming at the same pitch as the place you strike." She didn't understand, so he demonstrated. She had never hummed before, and the sensation was strange. She hit the same note over and over and finally modulated her tone to the right one. She sat finding each one as Jonayla began playing her flute with increasingly complex patterns. The drum master circulated to the other students and Dura absorbed all the sights and sounds as she learned to hum with her new instrument.  
They headed back to get dinner after many hours of practice and a small concert mostly for themselves.  
"Mother, Dura did really well with the tone log. Maybe you could teach her some of the Clan rhythms."  
"I'd be happy to, but I am not very good. Did you have fun?" Ayla asked Dura.  
"They stopped staring very quickly and I felt accepted. Music people think different."  
"Their world is all about finding new things. They have minds that are open. I think you will find many artists are the same. I can't wait to take you to see the cave paintings."  
"We are going to listen to stories after the meal." Jonayla said. "Would you take Gray for a run? I never spend much time with her when I am in camp. There is just too much to do."  
"Kinidar came by and asked if he could ride her. He knew you were at music camp."  
"And you let him?"  
"Jondalar took him riding up to the practice field. He is getting ready for the spear contest and Kinidar was more than happy to watch the horses. I think he likes you."  
"He's annoying. I can't believe you let him ride my horse."  
"You just said you don't spend much time with her, why would you care?"  
"He's a weirdo with no friends."  
"I thought you were his friend?" Dura said confused.  
"If I'm his friend, then I'm everyone's friend. Just because I am nice to him doesn't mean he is a friend."  
"I think he was nice. I would be his friend." Dura said.  
"Really?" Ayla asked.  
"She's just happy he was willing to greet her. Maybe he really came by here to get a cure for Clan cooties."  
Dura was embarrassed. "Clan cooties?" Ayla asked.  
"It's what they think you get if you touch a Flathead. Sorry. I hate that word too. It's just what they say."  
"Mamutoi do not touch you in greeting?" Dura shook her head. "Not even Lion Camp?"  
"It not important. I have Durc."  
"I want cooties too." Ayla picked Dura up and squeezed her tightly and tickled her into a squirming laughter.

"Where Dura?" Durc asked Ayla.  
"She is with Jonayla."  
"No. I saw Jonayla with friends, no Dura. I not approach to make embarrassment for her."  
"I'm sure she's fine, but I will go ask for you." Ayla came back a few minutes later, Durc was nervously pacing. "She went off on a long run with one of the other children. You said she likes running."  
"Is it safe?"  
"Safer than running ahead when you two were alone on the steppes." He nodded in resignation. "You should stop worrying about her." He nodded again. "I know the boy. He knows the area well and will keep her away from danger.  
"Boy?"  
Ayla laughed. "You're worse than Jondalar. Protective fathers, how they hold us back from living our lives. Imagine where I would be if I had had one of those."  
"I need to remember she is better here than with Clan. This is a hard thing to do. Almost easier if I don't know things." She wished he could find a mate to take his mind off the coming winter. There was no one, and there might never be anyone. Joplaya only chose Clan because she couldn't have Jondalar. Even the lowest status women would never consider him, even for a mother festival. Perhaps he should have stayed with Latie.  
"Would you go back to Lion Camp, to Latie?"  
"She find mate."  
"How do you know?"  
"I told her she would."  
"The spirit world told you?"  
"No. I tell her so she become open to idea of it. She love me because I part of you. It is you she love most."  
"I don't understand."  
"You have life she want. You were big beautiful woman with big beautiful man. You talk many languages including horse and wolf. You ride the back of lion and cure the sickest people. You have no fear. Latie have much fear. Life not charmed like yours. Lose babies, maybe many. Lose men, maybe many because they not good enough for you. She be with me to be with you, as a daughter would be. She not get what she need from me."  
"Did she give you what you need?" He looked away. "So you would have stayed. But you came here for me."  
"No. I come here for Dura. I want to see you, yes. But I know I not happy with any Others. I happy only with Latie. That is not enough for either of us. Also, hurt memory of Ura. If I live long happy life with Latie, who will I choose in spirit world? Ura is mine. I am Ura's. That is when I get to be happy again."  
She knew she would feel the same if something happened to Jondalar. She also knew that grief passes more easily when one could focus on something positive. Dura had been that for him. Now she has others. There was no skill that he found interesting enough to commit to an apprenticeship. He could hunt, but few invited him along on hunting parties. He had no exceptional skill among the Others. She did not tell him of the resistance to his joining the Ninth Cave. He could remain a guest of hers and stay for the rest of his life, but he would remain lowest ranked. She wanted him to stay and thrive and find the happy life he deserved.  
"You think I should go back?" He had extrapolated the reason of the question.  
"I want you to be happy." She had more to say, but left it at that. Adding how broken she would be if he left her could only push him away from what might make him happy.  
"Guban will accept me. Make me good mating. I live good life until I go to Ura. I can still visit you when heart aches for it. Maybe I help make problems between Clan and Others better. There is much not understood on both sides."  
"I tried to do that. They refused to talk with woman. Guban had to because he was injured. You think you could make it better?"  
"There is one thing that changes even Clan. You show them your fire stone and they will see you as powerful. You give them fire stone and they see you as friend. But Clan only small part of problem. Others grow and take more territory, Clan territory. If you cannot stop this, you will not solve problem."  
"It will not stop. Legends tell us this was all Clan territory. We took it from them. If that is the solution, how do you think you will help?"  
"I will help them understand Others. The need to let it happen, continuing to move until there is nowhere to move to. Or they must learn to protect what is theirs."  
"Protect? You mean fight."  
"I doubt they choose this, but yes. I can show them how to make a fight more… even."  
"Teach them to kill Zelandonii?"  
"Only those that take what is not theirs, those that would kill us."  
"It would only make it worse. It would give them a reason to hunt and kill Clan."  
"Perhaps it is inevitable that Clan die. Do we lay down and be gutted, or do we fight for our survival?"  
"We need to find a way for both to survive." She was finally seeing the reality of it. "We need to stop moving north."  
"You are Zelandoni. You have power among these people."  
"Not enough. Will you go north with me to meet with Clan?"  
"Just the two of us?"  
"And the girls. Jondalar will insist on going. I think a small group would be best for a first meeting."  
"I agree. I will go with you. Bring horses and fire stones. They will respect your magic. Do you still have Clan medicine bag?"  
"I no longer use it, but I have it back at the ninth cave. I will ride tomorrow to get it. Need heavy winter clothes too. Snow comes soon up there."  
"We should bring meat as well. They may need winter supplies still."  
"Let's wait. We can help them hunt if they have need."

Chapter 4: Northern Clan

Four days later the small group set out north, telling only that they were going for one last hunt. They only told the first Zelandoni and Johoran their real mission. Both thought it was unwise and dangerous.  
Kinidar ran with Dura and the horses as far as the 29th cave, then he bid them farewell and headed back. Durc did not like how the boy looked at Dura.  
"Dura, walk with me."  
"What is it father?"  
"You are spending too much time with this boy."  
"He likes to run as much as I do, and he is teaching me the trails of the Zelandonii."  
"These people are not to be trusted."  
"Not at all?"  
"Not quickly. Not easily. You need to be wary of them. They want different things."  
"Kinidar wants friendship. The other children make fun of him because he talks funny. I cannot tell the difference. He is good person. You don't need to worry about him. Worry about this Clan we are going to meet. Guban said the leader Korb has much anger for Others."  
"Better if Guban there, but pass will be blocked with snow by now. I will go alone for meeting. You stay with mother and wait for my return."  
"She agreed to that?"  
"Not yet. She will see wisdom in it. Too much to explain arriving with many Others. I want to know his mind before everyone in danger."  
"Only you in danger."  
"No danger. I am man of Clan."

"Mother, I will talk to them. They know you are here. If they want to talk to you, I will bring them here. They will not want you in their cave." Ayla was not happy with this plan, but she knew it was right.  
Durc set out toward where he saw Clan hunters disappear into the pine forest. If they did not remain watching, he would follow their footprints to their cave. Durc was most of the way across the field when Dura came running up. She saw Durc and started running.  
Ayla shouted after her. "Dura, stay here."  
"I need to stop him."  
"Why."  
"We were followed by hunters from 29th cave. I think they want to make trouble."  
"Show me where." Ayla mounted her horse and pulled the girl up in front of her. They were hiding in the woods to the west of the meadow. Ayla rode up behind them and surprised them.  
"Zelandoni. It is good to have you here in our land so far from your cave."  
Ayla understood their challenge. "You watch us and spoil our hunt. You go south to find your own herd of bison."  
"I see no bison."  
"Because you scared them away, approaching from upwind."  
"We can help you hunt. We know this area better than you."  
"You know this area too well. You go south now."  
"You cannot tell us what to do on our land, flathead lover." One of the men in the back spat under his breath.  
Ayla steered the horse over to him and sat looking down at him with an icy stare. "I love all the Mother's creatures. Why is it that you do not?" He said nothing. The horse snorted in his face making him step back. "That is one step in the right direction. Make many more until you reach your cave."  
"What if we don't?" Another defiant one snarled. Before he could react her sling was moving and the flint tip of his spear was obliterated by a stone. He jumped back in genuine fear. Ayla turned back to the leader and just stared at him. He knew the eight men could easily overpower her. He could not calculate the consequences of doing so. She was Zelandoni. He then heard the menacing growl of a wolf. Without another word, he led them down the hill. She followed them until they forded the river.  
"Will you stay and watch them until they go around the bend in that river?" Dura jumped down and looked at the tall blond woman with even more respect. Eight men cowering in front of one woman. That is real power.

"I am Korg." The big man motioned as Durc stood watching him approach. "You bring Others here?"  
"No, I bring Clan here. My mother is Clan medicine woman. She was born to Others but adopted by Clan very young."  
"Guban talk of such woman. Healed his leg. Fought off Others attacking him. I think he just tell story."  
"It is true. You can talk to her about it, if you wish. We do not come here for social visit. We wish to talk territory."  
"You want more. We cannot survive on what we have now."  
"We want less for Others, restore much to Clan. We know this will be difficult. She is now very powerful among the Others and maybe can help. Will you talk with medicine woman?"  
He looked at Durc for a long time and sensed no deception. He turned and walked to the hunters that had been waiting with Durc while a runner was sent to get the leader. Durc turned his back to them. It wasn't to disrespect them, it was to give them privacy in their conversation. Durc began gathering stones to make a small fire ring.  
After a long conversation Korg approached him.  
"This leader will listen to medicine woman of the Others."  
"I will bring her here." Korg grunted in agreement. "May I also bring the children and the man of her hearth?"  
"No spears." Durc nodded in agreement. He turned and walked back into the field and crossed with an unhurried run. Dura ran out to meet him and told him what had happened with the Others.  
"It will be a short meeting." Durc said to Ayla. "They have little patience. Show respect, but do not supplicate yourself. I suggest you make tea from medicine bag after making fire from fire stone. Ride horses to them, but leave in field. They say no spears. Better if Jondalar stay back with horses and wolf."  
Jondalar began to protest. Ayla put up her hand. "Without spear you are only in danger. Be ready with spear thrower by horses. Throw to warn, not kill." Ayla said commandingly.  
As they walked across the field, five people on three horses with an enormous wolf loping along side, Durc could only imagine the wild conversation occurring inside the tree line. Ayla began reminding the girls how they should behave. They stopped a hundred yards from the trees and dismounted. Jondalar held the horses and the wolf back. Durc led the women single file into the woods.  
"Korg, this is my mother, Medicine woman of Brun's Clan, adopted to the hearth of Mo-Gur One Eye." Her head was bowed, but she did not kneel at the leader's feet. He eyed the woman and her old otter skin medicine bag. After her a long time he motioned toward her.  
"The leader greets the medicine woman of the Others."  
"This woman greets the leader Korg. I am grateful you allow me to talk. Would this leader allow me to make tea for his hunters?" She could see his impatience but grunted his approval. Dura had the tinder ready and Ayla struck the fire stone and blew the flame into existence. The girls continued building the fire and setting up the water bag for boiling. Ayla approached the leader and showed him the stone and how striking it with the stone knife produced a spark. She then handed him the stone. "This woman gives this fire stone to the leader Korg. It makes creating fire when hunting much easier than carrying coal in aurochs horn." He turned the stone over in his hand and then motioned for his hunt leader to attempt using it. It only took a few tries before he was repeatedly able to produce a strong spark. Ayla pulled several small pouches out and blended a calming, flavorful tea. The girls sat demurely to the side, Jonayla unable to completely avert her gaze as instructed. She was absolutely fascinated.  
"This woman is concerned with conflict between Clan and Others. There is not much I can do, but I wish to try. What this woman would like to know is how much land toward the mid-day sun does this leader need to support the Clans of this territory. We would hope to create a line where Others stay south, Clan stay north."  
"Line no good if others kill all animals before they come north."  
"There should be plenty for all." Ayla motioned, confused.  
"We find many animals speared and left to rot. They kill just to prevent migrate north to us."  
"This is a crime against the Great Earth Mother. This will stop. Can you tell me where this happened? Does evidence remain?"  
"One moon ago. Carrion eaters are very fat this season. I will take you to see if you wish." Ayla took a cup of the tea and handed it to Durc. He drank to show it was not poisoned. She took another wooden cup, made in the traditional Clan way and offered it to the leader. He smelled the familiar aroma and sipped. He was pleased with the taste. The hunters brought their cups and all tried a little of the tea. They went back to their fascination with the fire stone.  
"There is ridge south of river. That would be enough for us if animals allowed to migrate." Ayla realized he had already thought this through. He knew this small territory well and understood the migration patterns."  
"Are you only Clan here?"  
"Seven Clans this side. Twelve other side of mountain by Guban. Many mammoth, many fish. Few horse, bison, aurochs. Less every year."  
"Do you have enough for winter?"  
"We do. We help others now."  
"Would this leader go with us to hunt? With horse, hunt is very easy."  
"Do many Others hunt with horse and wolf?" Jonayla laughed and signaled no. "Your daughter speak Clan?" Before Ayla could stop her, Jonayla burst forth with a fury of hand signals asking all the questions that had been building up over the years.  
"This woman apologizes for the behavior of my daughter. I have not raised her in Clan ways."  
"But you teach her Clan signals. Why?"  
"It is my way. I was raised Clan, and this is my first language. I still not speak Others' language right. Daughter speak hands before mouth.  
"Even without memories?"  
"I teach many Others speak Clan. It good way to talk when hunting."  
Korg grunted. He turned to the girl. "You speak well. You have many questions. Mother not answer these questions?"  
"She did, but I'm not sure I believe her. Adults tell many stories that are not sound true."  
Korg grunted. "Legends. I thought your mother was a legend when I first heard the stories. It is quite a thing to see it with my own eyes. You don't appear to be frightened by me."  
"Not at all. I know you are good people. Many of my people are bad, even to me. I hope we can stop them from being bad to you. I hope we can visit with you and be friends."  
He signaled to his hunters. "Stop playing with fires, you'll burn the forest down. We go with these Others to show them bison kill. Maybe we hunt with them. Keep eye for Others."  
After they emerged from the woods as two separate groups and signaled to Jondalar that everything was okay, Durc spoke to Dura. "Run and scout to see if Others have returned." She was off like a bolt of lightning. They told Jondalar what had happened and he walked between Ayla and the group of hunters.  
"They killed them for no reason and left them there? That is not believable." Jondalar said.  
"These northern Zelandonii have lost their way. I think if we try to force them, they will form their own group as your father did. This will take away our ability to restrict them."  
"Could they get a Zelandoni to go with them and allow such sacrilege?"  
"There are several in the Zelandonia that still believe Clan are animals and would be happy to become the First of a new people."

Chapter 5: Sacrilege

It was in a large, long valley. The grass was tall and brown but did little to hide the hundreds of bison carcasses. There was little left for the scavengers, but a few birds were still picking away at the remains.  
As they rode through the valley it was clear that none of these had been butchered by humans, only fed on by other animals. Jondalar had never seen such wasteful destruction. Even a large pride of lions could not take down this many animals, and they would not have taken more than they could eat. He looked at the layout of the valley and realized they must have driven the entire herd into the valley and spent days just throwing and recovering their spears.  
The Clan hunters remained at the entrance of the valley, wary of becoming similarly entrapped. Dura came running into the valley and signaled franticly. She caught her breath as she told all that a larger group of hunters had returned to the river ford far to the west.  
"They are trying to circle around behind." Jondalar said with disgust.  
"There are four aurochs just south of here." Dura added as Ayla informed Korg of the suspicious actions.  
Most of the hunters immediately began a fast run back toward their cave. Korg stayed behind with four others. "We need to intercept them." Ayla said.  
"I will go alone." Jondalar said. "These are my people." Ayla did not question him, though she knew he would be in greater danger without her.  
"Help us take down the aurochs before you leave." She said, accepting his decision.  
Korg watched as three of the four aurochs fell before they even sensed people were near. The fourth fell just short of the safety of the tall reeds. Jondalar recovered his spears and raced off toward the direction Dura had pointed. Ayla began preparing the large bovines for transport. Korg and the other Clan hunters hefted large sections of the animals and began their slow walk back to the cave. The rest of the valuable meat was pulled on the pole drags behind the two remaining horses.  
Jonayla continued to question Korg as they walked. He indulged the child's questions and asked a few of his own. She was an open book to the Other's. Her innocence did not stop to deceive or even hide the truth. Sitting on the back of her horse she was almost his height. He wondered if leading them to his cave was a mistake. He considered taking them to Norb's cave. Norb needed the meat desperately, but Korg did not want to expose that cave any more than his own. Appearing suddenly with women and deformed Clan and horses and a wolf could be too much of a shock to them. He was surprised how quickly he had accepted it.  
Durc had been thinking along the same lines. He wanted to meet all of the leaders and people of these northern Clans. But even the knowledge of the locations could be a danger to them.  
Durc was amazed at Korg's willingness to talk to Jonayla. When he saw him asking probing questions himself, he understood. As they crossed a small clearing with a stream, he called Korg's name.  
"Are we close to your cave?" He grunted. "Let's stop here. We will begin preparing the animals. Have one of your hunters bring back some women to help. Korg saw the wisdom of this and the protective intention in Durc's motions. He sent one hunter with instructions back to both nearby caves and they began gathering stones and wood to make curing fires.  
As they watched Ayla and the girls expertly cutting the meat into the thin strips necessary for drying, the two men conversed. Durc could have helped, but that would have dropped his status. Instead he demonstrated his skill with the sling, keeping the small predators away.  
"Others know to follow horse trail to find your cave. Better we never go there." Korg nodded. "I would like to visit with all Clans in time. Perhaps next summer?"  
"Alone?"  
"I would bring daughter. She not live Clan ways, but she would be respectful while visit."  
"Bring fire stones?"  
"I bring five now. You can keep or give as you see need. I give one to Guban, and he say stone look familiar. Some places easy to find, others not. You look and you may find your own. I will bring many next summer for visit."  
"Others not care you give their secret fire stone to Clan?"  
"Medicine woman discover fire stone. Hers to give."  
"She not woman. She spirit." Korg said, not knowing just how true that was. "Daughter good worker too. Others not what I think they are."  
"I expected all of them to be like my childhood memory of my mother. None are like her. Not even her. The Others have two faces. What they are expected to be, and what they want to be. This battles inside them. Often what you see is 'want' trying to express past the 'need'. They lie to themselves. Part of her hates who they are, and who she has become to be accepted. Part of her loves who they are because they allow her to be what Clan never would. Clan never allow her to have animals. Clan never allow her to hunt. You saw how quickly and safely she did that. Clan never allow her to find fire stone."  
"Why she leave Clan? Her daughter not know."  
"The new leader hated her. He make her life more difficult than need be. He hurt her in ways that show he not good man. He later kill my mate, try to kill medicine women, sister of Ayla, and me too. He very bad leader. First morning he leader he curse her with death." Durc wondered if this knowledge would make Korg no longer see Ayla. He did not react. "She forced to leave me with sister Uba and walk spirit world."  
"She strong enough to come back." Korg motioned with a new understanding as he watched them work. Two hunters returned with four women. They were frightened by the horses and wolf, so Ayla took the animals downstream and washed up, her part of the work done. She wanted to go to Jondalar. As much as he may need her, he also needed her not to ride to his rescue one more time. Though he would never take over leadership of the ninth cave, Ayla thought often about starting a new cave near the more Clan tolerant Lanzadonii. Taking over leadership of this cave to stop the spread north would be a futile effort. Much of what they were doing was only delaying the inevitable. Clan could not thrive. Zelandonii would continue to thrive and grow and expand.  
Durc and the girls came down river and washed up. "Do they need help transporting the meat to the caves?"  
"No. Men come from other Clan to carry. Korg says he is grateful and looks forward to talking again next year."  
"Then we will go back to camp and wait for Jondalar. It looks like the weather is going to turn soon." They were cooking some of the prime portions of the aurochs that Korg had given Durc in gratitude. They watched the northwest nervously, hoping to see the man on horseback. They kept the fire high to help guide him in the unfamiliar territory. They ate as Jonayla shared her impressions of the people. Without thinking they all used only quiet Clan signs for the discussion. Ayla and Durc shared more stories from the past.  
Ayla lay awake wondering if she had lost her mate to these murderous northerners. The slaughtered bison haunted her. It was more than just hunting for need. It was a maliciousness she knew to be there in these people, but had never seen it in such a large group. She realized this wasn't true. The 'wolf' women of the Tsarmunai had imprisoned their men and ran entire herds of horses off the edge of a cliff. It was in these people to commit these… abominations against the Great Earth Mother.

In the morning there was still no sign of Jondalar. Durc was about to send Dura to look for him. Then five large wooly rhinos burst into the clearing. They paid no attention the people and their fire. The ground shook hard, adding to Ayla's agitation. They ran hard and disappeared on the north side.  
"Winter is here." Durc said watching the dust churned by the rhinos blow across the field. "We need to find Jondalar." They packed up the camp quickly and began riding quickly into the northwest valley. At a bare ridge that Dura led them to, they could see in the distance the large group of Others heading south with many large packs of butchered meat. Jondalar's pole drag was loaded down as well. All Ayla's anxiety disappeared. Wolf let out a howl that let Jondalar know where they were. They followed at a discreet distance. A runner from the cave came to them and insisted they join in the mammoth feast.  
Jondalar was still unloading the large load when they arrived. He was subdued and she could tell he had not slept well either. He hugged her with a fierce hunger for her support. "We need to eat with them, then we need to go early in morning. Set up camp over there." He pointed to the far end of the southern field. She understood there was still danger. Durc, Dura, and Jonayla chose to stay at their camp and hosted a few of the cave's children. Ayla and Jondalar sat with the cave leader and continued the tense discussion Jondalar had begun with him.  
"I was appalled to hear of the slaughter. I understand their motivations, but they were wrong to do it." The leader of the 29th said.  
Ayla remained calm. "What will be their punishment?" She asked, as if it were only a curiosity.  
"Their shame will be enough punishment. Everyone knows what such a thing does to harm the Great Earth Mother. Everyone fears her wrath against us this winter. We were lucky Jondalar was able to ride down and kill this mammoth. It was not to be deterred from heading north." He was trying to change the subject.  
"Shame?" She stared directly at him, letting him know that it was not sufficient punishment. He hid his defiance in another weak apology. "Is shame also their punishment for threatening the life of a Zelandoni?" She could tell he was aware of their actions. She knew his reaction to that had been to gather more of his hunters and head north for another try.  
"According to them, it was you and your wolf that threatened them."  
"Without any provocation?" She challenged, remaining completely impassive, almost amused. "Eight men with spears against one woman with a sling? I'm so sorry I frightened your brave hunters."  
His rage was beginning to bubble to the surface. He was about to explode when Jondalar spoke up. "As I said before, we need to avoid these misunderstandings. Because we have the horses, we are used to exploring much farther than others. We did not expect your hunters to follow us and spoil our hunt. Had we known they wanted to hunt with us, had they made their presence known to us, we would have happily asked them to join in.  
"You weren't here to hunt Jondalar."  
"That is precisely what we were here to do. You may not like who we were intending to hunt with, but it is our right to hunt with whomever we choose."  
"You choose to hunt with animals?" He sneered, realizing too late the stupidity of that retort. Ayla stifled her laugh.  
Jondalar continued, "As much as I love our horses, I do not have long philosophical conversations with them about hunting. I have had long conversations with those you called Flatheads."  
"They don't talk."  
Jondalar answered calmly. "Not our language. If you had ever taken a long Journey like I had, you would have met people that don't speak our language. Take the time to learn their language and you will benefit from their experiences." The leader remained quiet, still humiliated by his own outburst. "For example, far to the east there were people that built the most amazing river boats from enormous trees. Their small boats could maneuver the shallow fast moving rivers around here very easily."  
"Jondalar…" He started then stopped. They waited for him to continue. "They are in our way."  
"You need to expand your territory? You have more than twice what we have at the ninth cave and half the people."  
"Our land is not as rich as yours."  
"Seems like you have an overabundance if you have time and energy to secretly follow us, and kill many times the bison you need and leave them to rot. You may not believe the flatheads are people. You may see them as predators competing with you for the scarce resources. Winter should curtail your interaction with them. I beg that you avoid their territory in spring, and we will address your concerns with resources at the summer meeting."  
"Their territory?"  
"Stay south of the ridge by that river."  
"That is one of our best hunting areas."  
"It seems that blind valley would have been far better. Too bad it is full of rotting bison carcasses. Perhaps if you spend some time clearing those out, the herds may return to it. Thank you for sharing this meal with us. We will leave very early tomorrow so we will say our goodbyes now."  
It was courteous but distant farewell. They had much to think about over the long winter. Ayla was worried that they would try to eliminate the problem before the summer meeting, and was already considering an early season trip back up here with other Zelandonia and acolytes. They studied many things. Why not study Clan?

Chapter 6: Winter

The snow was falling in big flakes when they broke camp. They rode on the horses instead of walking and they reached the lower, warmer altitudes before the winds began blowing the snow hard. Durc was satisfied with the what he had done, even after hearing about the previous night's dinner. He had done what he could in the time allotted. His thoughts drifted to the long lonely winter ahead. The unmated females in Korg's Clan were either old women or girls barely older than Dura. There were no mixed women in the Zelandoni, and no Others interested in him as a mate. He didn't appreciate how extraordinary a find Latie had been. She was in love with him, but he kept her at a distance because he was leaving. It was never just physical need. Even that first time he was so taken with her he wanted to die for the betrayal of his one true mate. Now he just wanted something physical and there was nothing. He could spend the following summer trying to get back to Latie, and maybe she would still be alone. He hoped that wouldn't be true. She deserved happiness far more than he did. He silently apologized to Ura for even considering replacing her.  
They crossed the last large river before reaching the ninth cave. They stopped and made camp to dry their traveling clothes. There had been many times before that winter storms had buried travelers alive. It was the wrong time of the year to be traveling. If not for the horses, they never would have survived this trip home. They would have had to stop at one of the northern caves and possibly be stuck there for a moon or more. The snow was no longer blowing, but it was nearly a foot deep. Wolf was having some difficulty moving forward, so he followed in the horses tracks. They pushed hard the next morning and climbed the incline to their home just before darkness fell on the shortening day. Marthona warmed them by her fire until the other hearths could be lit and built up. Joharan visited to hear about the trip north.  
"There is very little we can do." Johoran said tiredly. "Territorial disputes between caves are rare and always resolved cooperatively. I doubt you will ever convince them the… Clan… has an equal standing."  
"Do you believe they have equal standing?" Durc asked.  
Marthona spoke up when Joharan failed to. "I didn't before I met Zelandoni. I still don't speak with hands very well, but I do believe it is a language. I would like to meet and converse with some of these people, but I do believe they should have equal standing. They should at least be protected from direct assault without provocation. We don't kill competing predators unless they present a physical danger to us. I have yet to hear a substantiated story of flatheads attacking any of us. They usually run away."  
Joharan added "I have heard stories, but in most cases I am certain they were provoked. Our best case with the Council is the needless slaughter of the bison. You said the leader claimed no knowledge?"  
"I believe him." Jondalar said. "He was defensive about much, but not that. The problem is he has no interest in punishing the offenders. He abhors what they did, but not why they did it. By summer he will have a good defense and a claim of punishment, if they don't deny the whole thing."  
"The Zelandonia will do nothing but talk. Their Zelandoni has a justification for everything they do, and there are many that will agree with him, if nothing other than to oppose the 'foreigner' Zelandoni." Ayla said.  
"I hate when they call you that." Marthona said.  
"They can call me whatever they want. Horse woman, foreigner, flathead lover. The more I know your people, the less I feel a part of them."  
Jondalar spoke up. "Mother, you should know that Ayla and I," he never referred to his mate by her title Zelandoni, "may be going to the Lanzadonii." Ayla was surprised he told them. He had been against it. "Father wants me take over as leader. I don't have the temperament for that, but when he passes, I would happily take over as flint master."  
"I can say I am surprised you did not stay there with the man of your hearth, but I would prefer you stay here." Marthona said.  
"You do have the temperament to be leader, and have proven it time after time here." Joharan said.  
"No I don't. Ayla makes me a better man. It would always be her leading through me. She has better things to do with her time."  
"I'm thinking how this issue is settled next year will determine whether I want to be Zelandonii any more." Jondalar said finally.  
"Is it really that bad?" Marthona asked.  
Ayla translated for Durc's hand motions. "There could be a time where we open their eyes and show them a better way. But the Zelandonii are growing much faster than Clan. It is doubtful Clan grows anywhere. They are only surviving, not thriving. Eventually the Others will push them out of every place capable of supporting Clan. That may be soon, that may be never. My guess not far off. I thought we could help. After talking to Korg, I see what is inevitable. All I can do is help delay."  
"If we are to be the people we hope to be, we must do better." Marthona said. "The summer meetings have become too large just in my lifetime. Too much is happening that is bad that some important things are being missed. We have become focused on making life easier, but we have not thought about what a hard life can teach us about ourselves. Joharan, your children have never known hunger or danger. When I was a girl there were some very lean years, and a child of our cave was taken right out of our hunting camp by a lion. I'm not saying we should stop making our world safer. I just think we are creating a generation that does not appreciate what they have."  
"Boys often go out seeking danger to prove some sense of manhood. Perhaps we need to get them involved in real danger so they don't try to manufacture it." Jondalar said, remembering the follies of his youth.  
"In Clan, boys are made hunters as soon as possible. It is a necessity of survival." Durc said through Ayla. "Once the drive to contribute to the group becomes their most important thing, they no longer find reason to cause trouble. It is not much of a problem in Clan, but it does happen if mothered too long."  
Joharan stood and yawned. "I'm sure we will talk about this much more over the winter. Thank you all for taking on this important issue."  
"Can I say something?" Jonayla asked.  
"Of course." Joharan said, indulging the young girl.  
"I think children are the problem. We share all these false stories about flatheads because we don't know any better. Now that I know how untrue they are, I am ashamed I listened to them, even repeated some of them. If we can show them the lies, they will stop repeating them."  
"What do you propose?" Jondalar asked.  
"A summer meeting between us and them." There was good natured laughter from most.  
"Go on." Marthona encouraged her.  
"Small at first of course. If they want to participate they need to learn basic signing. I think when kids come back reporting the meaningful exchanges, and hopefully the fun they had. More will want to do it every year."  
"Why children?" Joharan asked, becoming more interested.  
"We are not seen by the men as threats on either side. If father had gone to the initial meeting, it would have been a very different mood. Korg was not the least bit guarded with me. I even think he enjoyed talking with me. I doubt we would be afraid of interacting with Clan children. Some mothers might worry about their children, but those are not the children who would learn signing anyway." Joharan realized he would have been against this himself.  
"This is a brilliant idea, Jonayla." Marthona said, rising to her feet with some difficulty. "Cultural exchange between those most open to new things and least likely to become dangerously violent. As trust is built, it may grow to more of the adults. I think you will be leader of a cave someday young lady."  
"No, that's too boring. I want to be trade master like Willomar was. I already negotiated a trade with Korg."  
"Really?"  
"One Clan deer skin for ten fire stones. I already have four, so I hope to find enough before next summer."  
"That is a very generous deal." Ayla said, knowing a fire stone was worth multiple skins.  
"We can afford to be generous, can't we mother?"  
"Yes, we can Jonayla."

Chapter 7: Blooming

It had been a hard, long winter in the land of the Zelandonia. The snow was unusually deep, so movement was restricted for most of the Ninth Cave. There had been many small conversations about what was called the 'flathead' problem. Jonayla took it upon herself to begin teaching the Clan sign language as she related her experiences with the Clan leader.  
Ayla spent much of her time tending to the older members of the cave, including Marthona, and the One who was first. Durc began helping her more out of boredom than a true drive to help these people. Many did not want him near them, so he spent time with those who did. What the older patients craved most was conversation, so they continually asked him about his life, and his language skills improved over time as Dura helped him tell his stories. Dura was the most restless of all. She was not welcomed enthusiastically by the other children, so she spent much of her time learning how to make the clothes that were most useful for traveling. She had no patience for beads and ornamentation.  
In the spring, Dura began showing the signs of becoming a woman. Ayla took her aside and gave her the talk that Iza had given to her. Dura knew much of this, but had not understood the reason for it all. She had many questions for Ayla. Her biggest concern was becoming pregnant while traveling. Ayla gave her the most secret of medical knowledge from Iza about stopping a pregnancy before it began, as well as eliminating those that had started. This alone gave Dura interest in the monotonous task of gathering medicinal plants.  
"What is first rights? The girls all giggle about it and think it is when a girl becomes a woman."  
"The Zelandonii, and most Others, believe that once a girl bleeds she is able to produce children. But first there is a physical barrier inside a girl that must be broken in order to allow her to conceive a child."  
"Barrier?"  
"It is a small piece of skin that blocks the place where children come out during birth. Of course, as I explained, I believe it is the man placing his manhood inside that causes the baby to be created. First rights is when there is a ceremony, including cleansing rituals and much of the information I just told you. After that, a man is chosen to penetrate and open you. It can be very painful to have that barrier broken, so the women are there to help and make sure everything goes as well as possible."  
Dura reached inside her wrap and felt inside for a barrier. "I feel no barrier."  
"Has any boy put their…boyhood inside you?"  
"Not that I know of. Maybe Clan don't have them. Did you have first rights?"  
"No. I was with Clan. They just give signal when they want to relieve needs. Broud force me first time, very painful, no pleasure."  
"And that is where Durc came from." Ayla nodded. "And this man that give me first rites, how do they choose him? Will it be someone I know?"  
"No, it is always a stranger from another cave. Many are chosen because of their skill at giving pleasure during that painful time."  
"I am going to be forced to have a stranger put his thing inside me and possibly make me pregnant?"  
"That is their way." Ayla never participated in the actual rites, though she was often the one giving the girls the necessary medical information. She also was most often consulted before and after with the usual embarrassing questions. Most girls liked talking to her because she was completely open and honest. She did not think the practice was necessary beyond the information. She knew Jondalar had been asked to do it many times because of his skill with giving pleasure. He continued to refuse since he had returned to his people with Ayla. She told him he should, knowing that many of the girls get a very bad start due to much less skillful men. He told his reservations with the practice, especially the idea that he might give them children. She thought it had more to do with his need for her fidelity.  
"Do the boys have a similar ritual?"  
"Not really. When a boy matures, there are women who take them and teach them how to pleasure a woman."  
"How to pleasure? Don't they just stick it in and there is pleasure?" Ayla smiled. "No Dura. There are many things that can be done before, during, and after penetration that make it all much more pleasurable." Ayla then went into a detailed explanation of all those things. Most girls did not ask this until after they had been sexually active for a while.  
"I think the most important thing is not how, but who you do them with. Strong heart feelings make physical feelings much better."  
"So, first rights with a stranger will never have very good physical feelings. Can I refuse first rights?"  
Ayla had been thinking about this. It is unlikely any man would want to be her first, at least one without bad desires. She knew there were men who saw them as animals and still had desires for them. She didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings that she was undesirable. "You are not Zelandonii, so you probably would have to be adopted in order to be part of the ceremony. Jondalar and I would gladly adopt you if it is something you want."  
"No. We are already family. Clan family. That is all the family I want." She leaned over and hugged the woman who was her grandmother. "I love you. I hope you are not sad when I leave."  
"I will be. And I will miss you terribly. I think we will all be together in spirit world. I want to see Iza and Creb again. You are right. They are my Clan family and, except for mate and daughter and child that grows within me, that is only real family."  
"You are pregnant?" Dura said with fascination. Then she became concerned. "Tea didn't work?"  
"I stopped the tea several moons ago. I think Jondalar like to have son at hearth."  
"You know it is a boy?"  
"No, just hope. Jonayla horse have child too. Maybe you like ride?"  
"No. I like to run. Sitting on horse walking is boring. Fun when horse runs fast, but bouncing makes me sore. I would like to ride your lion though." She said smiling broadly.

The first hunting parties were organized as soon as the snow melted enough for easy walking. The animals were also thin, so little meat was gained. The One who was first had wasted away to a thin frail woman. A gathering of Zelandonia was organized at the Ninth cave because she was unable to travel. She told them the Mother was angry with the bison slaughter and was punishing the Earth's Children. Most were shocked to hear of the wasteful action, and were happy to blame that for the bad weather that had befallen them. She began talking to certain Zelandonia individually, letting them know she would be stepping down, and that Ayla should be made First of those who serve. There was much more resistance to this, especially with her son of mixed spirits ever present in the Ninth cave. His ability to speak passable Zelandonii, combined with his expert caring for the older members of the cave, did assuage some of their misgivings. But there was still much resistance to Ayla, and they looked for any reason to keep the foreign woman from pushing her strange ways on them. The formerly rotund woman no longer had her booming presence, but she was still able to sway many to her side. The others were split on who they wanted next, so when the choice was made, it was Ayla that was the one chosen.  
Ayla was unaware of all the political maneuvering, and didn't even know the One who was first intended to step down. She was tending to her ailing animals, mother of her mate, and planning the first trip north with Durc.  
"Ayla sit with me." The One asked her.  
"You have pain?"  
"Yes, but nothing you need to take care of. I want to tell you that we have decided you will take over as the One who is first among us at the summer meeting."  
"No." she said, shaking her head. "You will get better soon."  
"I hope so dear, but I no longer want to lead. You will be the leader."  
"I don't want this. I told you that. I have too much to deal with as it is."  
"And you have a child on the way too." Ayla knew she could not keep it a secret much longer. "You have what is needed to lead these people back to a better way of living."  
"Maybe, but they will not follow me. Besides, it is very likely Jondalar and I will be going to Lanzadonii."  
"All summer?"  
"No, we are moving there." She looked crestfallen. They were silent for a long time.  
"Is there nothing I could say to make you stay and help my people?"  
"Jondalar has suffered with my training and tending to others. He wants this opportunity in the flint mine. They are more tolerant of Clan, so Durc will be better off there."  
"And Dura."  
"Dura will leave soon."  
"What?"  
"Dura need to Journey, like Thonalan. It is her calling. I need to talk to you about her first rites, but that can wait."  
"She has bled?"  
"Soon, before summer meeting probably. She does not want first rites. I think it will be difficult to find man anyway."  
"There are men that would prefer her."  
"I don't think these kind of men who would be good first rites. Good like Jondalar first rites." The One who was first gave her a knowing look. "She says she has no barrier to break anyway."  
"She was already opened?"  
"She says not, I believe her. Perhaps Clan not have barrier. Perhaps she break herself not knowing. She concerned about getting pregnant, not want to interfere with her Journey."  
"As long as she has the information, she is welcome to forgo first rites. It would probably be controversial anyway. If you refuse to be First, it will probably be Zelandoni of the Third cave that takes over. She has never been open to your ways."  
"I don't care. These are not my people. Not anymore."  
"I am sad to hear you say that. I wish I could have done more. Your decision is final?"  
"Yes, even if we stay here, I do not want this responsibility. I will be back with medicine in short time."  
"Thank you, Ayla."  
"Thank you Zelandoni."  
"Call me Zolena." They shared a look of understanding that went much deeper than either wanted to admit. She was dying, and she was giving up. "Ayla, please be open to teach medicine to the acolytes. I will tell the Zelandonia to send them to the Lanzadonii to learn from the One who should be first."  
"Of course I will do this. Rest now." Ayla bent forward and kissed her forehead, feeling the higher than normal temperature.

It was late spring before the rivers subsided enough to allow easy travel north. The extraordinary snowfall and fast melt caused floods not seen in recent history. It reminded Ayla of the flood waters that used to roar through her valley. She marveled at how simple her life had been then. Dura's life may soon have a similar solitude, and she almost envied the girl. She easily mastered the spear thrower and often scouted for the hunting parties. She was less interested in learning how to make the spears, even though it was a necessity when traveling. Spears could be reused, but not forever.  
Kinidar appeared one day, having run all the way down from his cave. He had grown a little taller, but was very thin. He said they ran out of meat in early spring so he hadn't much to eat. Dura shared some of her first deer kill and they talked about the long winter. She took him up into the hills west of the ninth cave, some of her favorite trails to run. He couldn't keep up with her like he had the previous year, and tired quickly on the steep hills. She stopped and walked with him until he caught his wind.  
"You are in much better shape this year than last. How did being stuck in the cave not cause atrophy?" Kinidar asked, breathing hard and leaning on his knees at the top of a tall bluff.  
"I went out often and learned how to walk fast on snowshoes."  
"Snowshoes. I should have thought of that. Nobody at our cave goes out. I think that's why we ran out of food."  
"I love the view from up here." She pointed south. "That is the direction I am traveling. I met a man who was born on the other side of the great southern sea. He said there weren't ever winters there."  
"That would be nice." Dura looked at him as he stood up and looked into the distance. He was now a little taller than her. He had wisps of hair on his chin. She wondered if she would have to meet someone mixed like her to be attracted. She certainly wasn't attracted to the brutish hunters of the Clan. She also wasn't attracted to the boys that Jonayla constantly talked about being most attractive. This boy was not considered attractive, and Dura had not been attracted to him. She liked him because of similar interests. She now felt the first stirrings of attraction. Not so much for his physical form, but for his gentle nature and kindness. She realized it was his acceptance of her, the same as he would accept anyone.  
"You are in bad shape, yet you ran a whole day to the Ninth cave."  
"It took me two."  
"Why did you do it?" He got shy and quiet. "Tell me Kinidar."  
"I… wanted to see you."  
"But why?"  
"Because… you don't make fun of me."  
"Jonayla doesn't make fun of you either. Did you come to see her?" Dura realized she had seen him first and had monopolized his time since he arrived. He was here for her. She remembered he had been smitten with Jonayla when Dura first met him.  
"No. She is nice when I am there, but says not so nice things when I am not."  
"Maybe I do that too."  
He finally turned at looked into her eyes, so vulnerable. "Do you?"  
"Yes." He was so hurt he turned away and his eyes began to water. "I make fun of how slow you are. And you move your hands really weird when you run. It's like you are trying to fly." He laughed, trying to hide his tears. "You really came to see me?"  
"Yes. I thought about you a lot this winter."  
"Thought about me? Like what?" He just turned even redder, too embarrassed to talk. "Ready to run yet, slow poke?" He laughed and they headed back down the trail to a stream to get something to drink, and then back to the Ninth cave for dinner.  
Kinidar stayed in the guest hearth at Marthona's. Dura spent evenings there talking with him and others that joined them. She was teaching him sign language, and a few others who had been learning from Jonayla also had fun learning the secret language. It became a game of saying one thing out loud and saying funny things with their hands, making jokes at the expense of those who didn't know the signs.  
At the end of a half moon, he was once again healthy enough to keep up with her no matter where they ran. They ran to his cave to let his mother know he was okay. She was cordial, but Dura could tell she was uncomfortable with her son hanging around with her. She slept a few feet away from him in the small area of their home. In the morning she said goodbye and began her run home alone.  
Dura became lost once on the way back to the Ninth cave. She had to backtrack, but made it home before dark. Durc had been worried, but had expected her to stay longer. She ate quietly and went to bed early. In the night she thought about Kinidar sleeping close to her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, and in her dreams she did. It was another moon before she would see him again at the summer meeting. Maybe longer if they went north to visit with the Clan before the meeting as Durc planned. She knew she had to go with her father, but she didn't want to. Running to scout animals took her mind off missing him, but she spent the nights thinking about him. Is this what he meant when he said he spent the winter thinking about her. Is that why he was embarrassed?  
"I am going to visit Kinidar." Dura told Durc.  
"Many days?" She shook her head. He wanted to ask why, but he could tell it was something more than just visiting a friend. He remembered the longing he felt for Ura, and somehow sensed this was what she was feeling. "Take spears?" She thought about it, wanting to say no, but knew it would make him feel as if she was safer.  
"Alright father. I need to get used to running with them for my Journey anyway." She arrived just before dinner with six fat ptarmigan she had flushed as she ran, and took down with her sling. Kinidar's mother was very pleased, the rare bird was her favorite.  
"You are quite the little hunter. Thank you, Dura. Kinidar is down at the practice field."  
"Do you want me to prepare the birds?" Dura asked.  
"No dear, you have done the hard part. Let me make a nice meal for you."  
Dura ran down to the practice field and watched Kinidar and the others struggle to send their spears anywhere near the target. She pulled out her spear thrower and sent a spear high over their heads, hitting the heart of the deer shaped target. They turned to look at where the spear had come from. Only one set of eyes looked happy to see the source. The man with them admonished her for throwing recklessly in their direction.  
"Not reckless. I hit only what I aim at." Her signed word made Kinidar laugh out loud. Two of the other kids laughed too. Kinidar had apparently shared some of the foul sign language words with the other boys.  
The spear master was angered by the subterfuge. "Can you hit that far one, little girl?"  
She knew she could, though not with as great an accuracy. "Sure. Can you?" She challenged. Kinidar had better control when he saw what her hands said. The spear master could never master the spear thrower, and knew he could never compete with someone who had. He ignored her challenge of his skill and asked her to demonstrate. She moved up to the line to give herself a better chance. She saw a small movement at the edge of the meadow. She let the spear fly and missed the target substantially.  
"That wasn't even close." He said, happy to have won this round against the mixed child.  
"No, I hit what I aim at. That gerboa will go good with dinner." She ran out with a long limbed grace and returned with a twitching animal on the end of her spear. All the kids were so impressed they asked to try the spear thrower. Kinidar watched from the side, amazed at how she was able to gain respect in minutes among those who had shunned him all their lives. He envied her, but knew they would just as quickly go back to calling her flathead freak when she wasn't there.  
When it was his turn to try, she just picked up her spears and said "Let's go run before dinner." He was thrilled, knowing he would have done the worst with the new weapon, as he had done with all the others. He picked up his practice spears and they ran off up the hill. He led her to his favorite overlook.  
She put her spears down and embraced him warmly. He just stood there shocked at this strange intimacy. "I missed you." She signed as she let go and turned to enjoy the view. The sun was most of the way to the horizon.  
"I missed you as well." He said out loud since she wasn't looking in his direction. "Is that why you are here?"  
"Yes. We won't be at summer meeting, maybe for a moon or more. We travel north again."  
"Can I come with?" She turned and looked at him, knowing then that was why she had come here.  
"It is up to the grown ups, but I hope so. Do you know what first rights are?" He turned bright red. "I'll take that as a yes. It does not make sense to me, having a stranger do that. I have heard many explanations, but none of them make sense. Have you been with a Donii woman?" He shook his head, further embarrassed. "Do you know what to do?" He shrugged, his throat too dry to answer. She was scared to ask the next question. She turned and looked into his eyes, waiting until he met them. She wanted to know the truth, not what he might say to appease her. "I know I am not pretty girl like Jonayla." He began to shake his head. "Would you give me first rites?" His eyes went wide in shock. She waited for him to recover, but never stopped watching his eyes.  
"Now?" He crackled, his throat too dry to make words.  
She laughed. "No, not on a cold ice covered bluff. I want to know if you want to." He nodded, both ashamed and very excited by the idea. "When you thought of me last winter, is that what you thought about?"  
He nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I was just thinking about that. I really like you, and not just because you're not mean to me." She stepped forward and tried the mouth on mouth thing she had seen others do. She hadn't understood it until she felt his arms on her back, pulling her body against him. It was something more than just the physical. She felt stirrings deep inside herself. She opened her eyes again and his eyes were closed. It was like he was concentrating on what he was doing. This made her laugh into his mouth. He jumped back in horror, thinking he had done it wrong.  
"You looked so serious." She put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him again. They kept their eyes open and both smiled. They started walking back down the path, holding hands. Nothing more was said, but both were preoccupied with thoughts of each other throughout dinner.  
His mother attempted to make conversation with Dura, which was an improvement over the last visit. She was impressed with Dura's intelligence, but seemed happy that Dura would be leaving soon. Her son might not get the best mate, but she didn't want this abomination in her family. They went running in the morning to scout for a hunting party and reported back about what they saw. Dura left two more ptarmigans and a lynx for Kinidar's mother. Her eyes were wide when she saw that the girl had killed the somewhat dangerous cat. They went running a new path and ended up at a small craftsmen lodge. Not much more than a wooden lean-to with old hides hanging from the sides as a wind block. Dura led him by the hand and sat him down on the bench against the wall. In her mind she had talked to him about what she wanted him to do, thinking Ayla's descriptions gave her far more knowledge of what was to come.  
Instead she kissed him and then stood back up and removed her clothing. His eyes were wide with wonder and desire. She put the small swell of her breast to his lips and he kissed and sucked it until she pulled away and gave him the other one. She then knelt down and touched the hard bump under his trousers. She undid the draw string and pulled the thin leather down until it was in sight. There was a small tuft of dark hair among the pale white flesh. She marveled at how just the sight of it made her insides begin to dance. She put her hand on it to feel it. She slid her hand up and down, fascinated by how the skin moved to cover and reveal the head. Suddenly he jerked and a white liquid spurt up onto his tunic as it throbbed in her hand. She put the head to her mouth to taste the salty liquid that remained. She looked up at him, lost in his pleasure. She sucked as Ayla had described and he jumped in pain. She apologized and then sat on his lap.  
She kissed him again and began rubbing her lower parts against him. There was such an ache there she was overcome with a need deep inside. It was like an itch she needed to scratch but couldn't reach. She reached down and touched him again, moving the hard stick around before it aligned with her opening. She was surprised how wet everything was. She was feeling the chill of her nakedness, but a deep heat flushed through her as the head slipped inside. He began thrusting upward, trying to satisfy the empty ache she was feeling. She did feel some sort of barrier preventing him from going deeper. She felt a small tugging pain as he pushed against the barrier. Her desire overcame her fear of the pain and she sat down hard on him, feeling the tear and the wonderful fullness of him inside her. He kept trying to thrust, but she stilled him. She sat back and looked at him. He wore a mask of desire that changed how she saw him. It was like he was no longer the boy, no longer the friend she ran with. He was now part of her. The ache inside her rose again and she began moving on him, pressing her thin body against him, wishing he was naked too. She felt him shudder again, his body spasming under her. She imagined that white fluid shooting inside her. She thought it could be starting new life in her. She did not feel the fear she had since she realized it would stop her on her Journey. She held onto him tightly, the freezing cold on her back no match for the warmth under her.  
"Dura?"  
"Yes, Kinidar. " She whispered in his ear.  
"You're shivering." She didn't care, but she stood and put her clothes back on. He stood and tied his drawstring and she laughed when she saw his essence staining his tunic.  
She rubbed her finger on the damp spots, wondering what it was. "This is the essence that makes babies."  
"Do you think we started one?"  
"No. I have not bled yet."  
"There was blood on my… thing."  
"That is from my barrier. You broke through it and made me a woman. I'm glad it was you and not a stranger."  
"I'm glad it was you. I was embarrassed, but you made me feel like it was all just… perfect."  
"I am supposed to wash and not do this again for a week. This is to let my broken barrier heal. Is there a private place I can wash nearby?"  
He led her down the path, holding her hand and then with a protective arm around her shoulder. It was a small brook with a shallow pool. He turned to leave.  
"Would you like to watch?" He turned and saw her once again removing her clothing. He was once again with need, watching her scoop up water and wash the most private of places with a small piece of deerskin she had brought for this purpose.  
When she finished she told him she should wash him too. He exposed himself again and she was surprised it was still hard. "Does that stay hard all the time?" She asked naively.  
"No. It happened again when you got undressed."  
She felt good that her hairy body excited him. She knelt in front of him and washed the dried blood and essence off of him. She could tell he was enjoying this so she continued long after it was clean. She then put it in her mouth and sucked. He did not feel pain this time and soon his essence was in her mouth. She liked the feel of it, so she didn't spit it out as Ayla had told her to do. She helped him tie his drawstring and then stood and pocketed the small washing deer skin.  
"I want to touch you tonight when we are sleeping. Hold your arm out to me when we are in the furs and I will hold your hand. "  
"I wish you could sleep in my furs." Kinidar said.  
"Maybe someday. I don't think your mother will like it though."  
"I don't care. Do you really want to sleep with me?"  
"Eventually. Right now it hurts, even to walk. I will leave tomorrow if I can run. You can run part way with me." She then froze and stopped him, telling him to be quiet. She notched a spear and slowly stalked forward. He thought it was another small animal so he was looking close to the ground, suddenly a giant antlered megaceros stepped onto the path a hundred yards away. Dura let loose her spear and the animal jumped and dashed back into the woods.  
"Did you miss it?"  
"No, but it will be harder to get out of the woods. Is there anyone you can get to help us?" She started into the woods and found the large animal collapsed against two trees. Her spear was broken under the enormous deer. He watched her expertly slice open the belly and pull out the innards.  
"I can run back to the cave, will you be okay here alone?" By the time he arrived back with two men and three boys his age, she had the expertly butchered animal laying on its own hide in the middle of the path. Each grabbed a corner of the tough hide and they carried the heavy load down the path. It was even more painful for her to walk carrying a load, but she endured for the long walk back. She was quite bloody, so she shed her clothes and jumped into the cold nearby river to swim.  
"Dura, you are a better provider than the man of Kindar's hearth ever was." Kinidar's mother said.  
"I had to learn early while traveling on my long Journey here. Kinidar will be a good provider in time. He needs a better teacher. Jondalar is the one who invented the spear thrower, so he would be a much better teacher."  
"He teaches flint."  
"He taught me spear thrower. I'm sure he would teach anyone who wanted to know. Too bad we are going on hunting trip north. We are hoping to get a mammoth or two."  
"It has been so long since I had fresh mammoth. All we get is old dried mammoth in trade."  
"Maybe you and Kinidar would like to travel north with us and have fresh mammoth?"  
"I hate traveling. I barely make it to and from the summer meeting."  
Dura waited, hoping the woman would offer what Dura wanted. "Perhaps Kinidar could go with us and bring you back some fresh mammoth."  
She looked at the girl strangely. "He's too young for that. You people and your wild adventures."  
"I'm not too young mother. I have been running alone among the caves for years now."  
"You can't even throw a spear right."  
"That is what Dura has been saying, Jondalar will teach me the spear thrower."  
She thought about. Then she shrugged. "If it all right with them, I guess." Both almost jumped for joy but contained their enthusiasm.  
"I'm sure it will be. We will be traveling by in a half moon. Kinidar can join us then, and you can talk with Jondalar and Zelandoni if you wish." An opportunity to talk with a Zelandoni of such high status was a treat she would not pass up, even if she was strange. Perhaps she could get her to look at her ailing foot.  
It started with an innocent hand hold, but the two new lovers were cuddling naked under the furs most of the night. His mother was oblivious, snoring away after the huge meal everyone had enjoyed. Dura was able to resist letting him touch her between the legs, but they touched each other everywhere else.  
She was floating as she ran back to the Ninth cave, almost making that same wrong turn again. The pain was there, but it was just a tiny reminder of something more than just the Journey to look forward to in life.

"There was a barrier. Gone now." Dura motioned to Ayla. They were sitting in front of the low fire in their home, the men having gone to bed already. "Kinidar and I give each other first rites. Not great pleasure you describe, but it very pleasurable. More happy he want me as much as I want him."  
Ayla smiled. "Do you still have pain down there?"  
"Little. I take willow bark and [medicine] for no infection." Ayla nodded in approval. "I want to ask. Jondalar want you to make long Journey here. Did you want to go with him?"  
"I want to be with him no matter what. I also want to stay with Mamutoi because they adopt me and make me feel welcome. Jondalar would never be happy far from his people, so I go."  
"I think about taking Kinidar with me on Journey. He's not ready and he will die, so better to leave behind. But I want him to come. Will feeling…", she rubbed her heart with her fist, "go away?"  
"It will probably never go away. You will always miss him. It will always hurt. You may find others to make hurt less by having pleasure, and even new love. But will always hurt. True whether left behind or just no longer together in same place. I'm happy I'm together with Jondalar still, and much hurt gone with Durc here. Much hurt when you leave. Most important thing is will they be happier. You will be happier when you go, so I would not want you to stay. Durc not happier raised among Others, so better I leave behind. I'm not happier staying behind with Mamutoi family, so better I take long hard Journey."  
"If Kinidar happier with me on Journey than in cave with mother, the better he come with me."  
"Better if he is ready. I think he needs another year or two. I think you need one more year too, but I know you have Journey in heart."  
"Why stay one year?"  
"You're a woman now in some ways, but not all ways. You should not have new experience moon time out in wild alone. Need to learn how to manage bleeding because predator smell and come for you."  
"Really?" She was very surprised.  
"Also, if breasts grow large like mine, difficult to run like you do now. You learn more medicine, more hunting, more tool making, more everything, the longer your Journey will be."  
"You think my Journey short?"  
"Walk tundra with father dangerous, but he keep you from being too reckless. Jondalar brother very reckless until he went to spirit world. Almost take Jondalar with him. Jondalar brother want spirit world to be with mate. Durc want spirit world to be with mate. You want spirit world too?"  
"No. I want see new place. I want to see world with no winter. I want to meet new people, and learn new things. I want to bring new things to people."  
"And then what?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Will you travel for your whole life?"  
"If I can."  
"No child, no family, no return to tell us of adventure?"  
Dura realized she had not thought that far forward. Part of her thought that those she cared about would likely not be alive by the time she had enough adventure, so no reason to come back. She remembered Wymez telling the story of his long Journey that she loved so much. He returned to his people and loved retelling his story. Would she want that? To be old and telling stories of when she used to have adventure. Part of her liked that, but it made her sad to think of a day when she could no longer travel. Ayla saw she had stirred much thought.  
"You know who you need to hear about? Hoshiman." Dura had never heard the name. "The father of Jondalar's father's mate journeyed from the Great waters of the east. Many, many years. Spend this winter with us at the Lanzadonii, and hear all those stories. More fantastic stories than Wymez. Then I know you will be ready, and maybe Kinidar will be too."  
Dura was liking the idea of hearing of an even greater adventure. She knew the Lanzadonii was too far away to visit Kinidar. The idea of another winter, and one without Kinidar, was not pleasurable at all. Ayla saw her face turn from excitement to cloudy. She is really taken with the boy.  
"Maybe Kinidar would be interested in learning toolmaking in the Lanzadonii?" Dura's eyes lit up.

Chapter 8: Detente

Durc was not at all happy with the boy traveling North with them, let alone sharing her furs every night in camp. He had no right to deny her this, and he wasn't sure why it made him so angry. He was so full with need and tired of relieving himself. He had never had to make the signal in his Clan because his beautiful Ura was always there for him. In his grief he never had need, and then there was Latie. He wondered if he could bring himself to make the signal to a woman in Korg's Clan. He had only been with two women, and both wanted him. Making the signal was tantamount to forcing the woman to become a receptacle to his need. The thought disgusted him, but so did the sounds of his daughter's pleasure.  
In the morning they crossed into the land of the Clan, passing through the narrow notch in the ridge. The 29th cave claimed they had not gone north of this line as the Zelandonia council had demanded of them. There were definitely Others' footprints in the mud on this side from probably the last few days. Durc's anger was barely contained as this lie became apparent. He gave Ayla a knowing look, and she was angry as well. Dura ran ahead to look for anybody lurking about. She found a group of Clan hunters following the trail of a small Onager herd. She followed them and watched their futile attempt to get even an older slower one. She knew these people were doomed. She circled around and took down two of the younger, faster ones in the middle of the herd with her spear thrower. The men easily caught up to the mortally wounded animals. Dura lay down her spears and she approached the group. They were looking around warily for who had thrown these thin spears.  
She knelt at the feet of Korg and waited for the tap on her shoulder.  
"Stand girl. You are not Clan."  
"This girl wishes to honor the leader Korg by observing his customs."  
"Is that why you used a weapon to kill these animals?"  
"This girl is sorry for helping. The man of my hearth and family of Other's are here to discuss matters of importance. We wait by the river."  
He stared hard at the girl until she finally met his eyes looking for an answer. She almost thought she saw the hint of a smile. "Tell Durc we come tomorrow morning. Thank you, girl who hunts." She smiled and ran back to camp after retrieving her spears.  
"They come tomorrow." Dura motioned.  
"You were only supposed to report what you see." Durc said with agitation.  
"They try to hunt, badly. I help. Korg mad, but grateful. They look thin in face."  
Durc grunted his displeasure with her. She turned to Ayla and motioned out of his sight. "I kill deer. You bring horse and help?" Ayla shook her head and laughed silently and went to set up the pole drag on her horse. There were two big birds feasting on the head of the large deer. They flew a short distance when the horse with two humans on it approached. Dura jumped off and began gutting the deer. In no time they had it loaded and were slowly walking back next to the horse pulling the load.  
"Why is Durc angry with me?"  
"He's angry all the time, not just with you. His life not what he wants it to be. He does not belong with us, he does not belong with Clan. He is stuck in the middle. Maybe you understand better now. He is alone too much."  
"He need woman for pleasures?" Ayla shrugged. "Pleasures better when no pain. Should I drink tea to not start baby?"  
"Probably. I will show you how to prepare in morning."  
"Should I ask Korg about mate for Durc?" Ayla laughed out loud.  
"No. Durc will ask, but only if stay with Korg's Clan. That not happen this year I think. He go with us to Lanzadonii. Maybe someone there for him. Kinidar make you happy?"  
"He make me good pleasure. He want go on Journey with me, but I can tell he is scared. I think maybe we make half moon trial Journey during summer meeting. I want to see Great Sea to west. Maybe I see Great Sea to east one day. Maybe Great Sea to west is same as one to east."  
"What makes you say that?" Ayla asked.  
"Sun round, moon round, stars round, Earth must be round. Maybe I walk around Earth."  
"That sounds like an epic adventure. I hope I see you again to hear about it."  
"I will tell you about it in spirit world."  
When they returned to camp, Jondalar was teaching Kinidar how to use the spear thrower. Durc was not in sight. Jonayla was brushing her horse. They stopped what they were doing and helped butcher the deer. They had a quick lunch and dug a ground oven to cook a large deer roast. Jondalar and Kinidar resumed their spear practice, and Ayla started grooming her horse.  
Near dinner four people approached their camp from the north east. Wolf stood at the edge of the camp growling at them. Ayla and Jondalar walked out to talk to them. They were carrying heavy baskets and their clothes were filthy. The one woman of the group stepped forward.  
"I am Kotani of the 29th cave. I welcome you to the land of the Clan." She held her hands out in formal greeting.  
"If you know it is their land, why are you here?" Jondalar asked.  
"We are trying to restore our standing with the Great Earth Mother. We committed a vile act against her, and we are doing what we can to make restitution."  
"By stealing their food?" Ayla motioned to the large baskets of berries and greens.  
"These are for them Zelandoni. We have been working tirelessly to clean the bison from the blind valley. We heard you had arrived to meet with our neighbors so we have foraged to bring them an offering of restitution. It is their land, so this is their food. Please tell them we will not interfere with them if we can help it."  
"You took part in the bison kill?"  
"Not me personally, but I am hunt leader, so it is my responsibility. Greetings Dura. You have grown since I last saw you."  
Dura stepped forward. "It seems you have as well."  
"You are wise beyond your years. You gave me much to think about, and I want to thank you for that."  
Dura explained briefly in signs to the others how she knew the woman. They were already familiar with the story. To the newcomers she spoke "Would you like to clean up in the river and join us for dinner?"  
"Yes we would, but we do not want to intrude."  
"There is plenty." Ayla offered. She stepped forward and accepted the formal greeting that had been offered. She saw no deception in this woman, but there was some reticence in the others that accompanied her. "Do you mind if we include some of your offering in the meal?"  
"Not at all. I must admit I have been snacking on the raspberries, they are so plump this season." In a lower voice she said. "If you suspect we have poisoned this food, I will eat any or all of it. You can trust me Zelandoni."  
"I think I will, for now." She retrieved some of her scented soap cake and handed it to the huntress. "Wash with this, I think you will like it."  
She sniffed it "I have heard of this. It is only for ceremonies I thought."  
"Let us consider this a cleansing ritual. The four wandered down to the river and built a small fire. They washed their clothes and themselves and dried off.  
Durc emerged from the treeline as the newcomers headed for the river.  
"I watched them. They only collected the food. They did not add anything that I could see."  
Ayla inspected the baskets of food anyway but found no evidence of subterfuge. She prepared a simple meal for all.  
"It is good to see you again Durc." Kotani offered her hands in greeting. "I am glad you safely found your family." He took her hands and grunted. "You spoke of trust when we last met. I see no reason for you to trust us now. I hope to earn that trust over the years to come. Until then, perhaps you and your daughter could continue to open my mind. Can I ask you some questions about the Clan people?"  
"If you answer some for me." he replied, relaxing a little as he released her hands.  
"Agreed." They sat around the fire eating the food as Jonayla took it upon herself to answer many of the Clan questions posed. She had spent the winter answering similar questions, and her language skills were far superior to Durc's. Dura spent most of her time talking quietly with Kinidar. The three other hunters were quiet through most of the conversation, but did listen with interest, Ayla noticed. They thanked their hosts and retired to their small campfire by the river. They cleaned up the camp and prepared for sleep.  
Durc grunted his good night to Kotani, rising and turning away. "I thought you had some questions for me." she said, wanting him to stay and talk. He grunted and sat back down, facing her. "You grunt a lot." She said playfully, trying to crack his rough exterior.  
He grunted again, then smiled just a little. "My question is simple. You say you have had change of mind. Clan are now people, not animal. What make change?"  
"You and your daughter. I always thought mixed people were part smart human, part dumb animal. I have had little experience with them, so I relied on stories of others. Your daughter is mixed, and in some ways she was smarter than me. I'm not really smart, but I thought I should be smarter than anyone who is part dumb animal. If I had just talked to you and your grunting, my mind would not have been changed." Durc smiled at that.  
Kotani continued. "I tried every possible way to explain away her intelligence. I consulted our Zelandoni and found myself arguing against everything that he said. I'm not smart, but it seemed I knew more than the smart Zelandoni. I realized that we are all operating out of ignorance. I started to talk with the other hunters and they just got angry. They didn't want to hear it. Then they did the slaughter. When I found out about that, I was so lost. They lied about it at first. I finally got the truth out of them. I was lost. What they did was evil. You can grunt in agreement." He smiled and then grunted. "I spent the long winter thinking about everything I had ever heard about flatheads, and put it in a different context. What did all that mean if they were truly intelligent? It all made so much more sense. Some believe the long winter was punishment from the Mother. I don't know if that is true, but I want to fix what has been broken."  
"I hope this true."  
"You had mate?" He grunted with a guarded look. "Was she all Clan? Or mixed like you?"  
"Why?"  
"I'm wondering if you are attracted to only your kind? We aren't attracted to Clan for many reasons. A mix is less Clan, but still not attractive. I am wondering if you are only attracted to mixed or…"  
Durc thought about his answer. "Attractive? In what way?"  
"For mating, sharing pleasures."  
"Clan do not share pleasures. Clan relieve needs. Not always unpleasant, but woman have no say. Man make signal and woman receive."  
"No!" she said with disbelief.  
Durc nodded. "True. I answer question. Mate is mixed like me. Called deformed by Clan. Clan think we ugly. Clan think my mother ugly."  
Kotani gasped, covering her mouth in shock. "She is so beautiful. They think we are ugly?"  
"You think same, correct?"  
"I guess."  
"Mate deformed like me. Unusual for us to be let live. Only two of us could be mated. I glad of this because she perfect. I very attracted to her. I love her very much and we share much pleasures. I never make signal. I ask, she ask, we do if both want."  
"So, like only attracted to like." She stated, as if confirming her thoughts on the matter.  
"I spend winter with Others, people like you called Mamutoi. Leader of camp and I very attracted to each other, make many pleasures together. I miss her very much. Have to come here to see mother. Think much about going back."  
"Really?" She asked.  
He grunted and stood up. "I go sleep now."  
"Is it… same?"  
"What same?"  
"Pleasures... when different… types."  
"Come with, find out." Durc said sarcastically. He turned and went to his tent. Dura was not there. She was with Kinidar again. He crawled into the furs and was almost asleep when he heard someone crawling into tent. He hoped it was Dura taking a break from Kinidar. It was Kotani. She looked both frightened and very excited. She closed her eyes and kissed him, wondering how different the feeling would be. She was soon lost in the passion of his gentle touch. Afterward she dressed and went down to her campfire. When they woke in the morning, Kotani and her hunters were gone.

There was little to do but wait for Korg to arrive. Durc did not tell anyone of his encounter with Kotani. All noticed an improvement in his demeanor. Korg arrived alone carrying a large deer skin of exceptional quality. Jonayla stepped forward and presented him with a leather pouch of ten fire stones. He gave her the deerskin and told her the story of how he came to possess it.  
"The spirits were good to us this winter. Cold, but little snow. Able to help other caves hunt. We watch. Few Others cross ridge, but not hunt. You do this?"  
"Ayla do." Durc replied. "May not last, but we are hopeful. Minds have changed a little. Jonayla tell stories of you, and children have much interest. She has interesting proposal. I will let her tell you later. Is there anything you need from us?"  
"We not find fire stones in North. Mo-Gur take fire stones for ceremonies. The more we get the better for hunters. Better for travel."  
"Look in narrow river valleys." Ayla motioned. "That is where I find first. Find many there."  
"I know a place. We go for fresh flint there."

Chapter 9: Summer Meeting

After a few days of talking and hunting with the Clan, they headed south to the summer meeting.  
Durc saw Kotani from a distance several times. He could tell she was aware of him. He stood out in any crowd. The fourth time he actively tried to draw her attention. She gave him a sneer of disgust and turned away. He realized his hope was foolish. He went back to camp and picked up his spear carrier. He wandered out of the camp and up a steep mountain trail. The exertion helped put the anger and frustration and disappointment out of his mind. He reached the top and looked north from the tall bluff. The impulse to jump surprised him. Ura was in that pile of jagged stones far below. How he yearned to be with her again. The feeling passed, but the depression returned as his breathing normalized.  
He sat cross legged and contemplated his future. How silly to believe a few moments of wordless passion could make her throw away a lifetime of Clan hatred. Korg's offer was a good one. She was the young mate of an older hunter who died of illness during the winter But he saw only acceptance in her eyes, not desire. If not mated to the deformed stranger, she would be second woman to one of the other hunters. If not for his brief connection with Kotani, Durc probably would have relieved his needs with her. That might have led to staying there, though jumping from this cliff was marginally more appealing.  
Lost in thought among his unappealing choices, he did not hear her approach. His view was suddenly blocked by Kotani's long bare legs. He looked up at her. She looked back with that same expression of disgust. They stared unmoving for a long time. He wondered if she was there to kill him. Perhaps she feared the secret of their pleasures becoming known. He welcomed it. His eyes were almost a pleading for the end of his suffering. She towered over the seated Durc. The butt of her spear was planted menacingly in front of her. She finally moved, slowly leaning the shaft of her spear against her left shoulder to free her hand. She then clasped her hands together in a sign Durc had shown her when describing Clan sexuality to her. His eyes opened wide in surprise. She didn't seem to need an answer. She put the spear down and began removing her clothing, all the while looking at him in a way that commanded him to do the same. Her body was thickly muscled and well tanned except for her bright white breasts and the thick, dark, curly hair between her legs.  
She stood, legs apart, hands on her hips while he stood and removed his clothes. Before this they had only felt each other's nudity in the dark. Now it was on display in bright sunlight. There was both disgust and desire in her eyes. He stepped forward, half expecting her to rebuff him. Instead she pulled his mouth to her breast. He suckled her, and his hands began to wander. She was soon moaning and grasping his rigid manhood. She shoved him away roughly, and then turned around. She bent at the waist, putting her hands on a nearby boulder for support. She widened her stance and arched her back, presenting her bright pink wetness. He had never seen a woman from this angle. Ura and Latie always wanting face to face. He resisted his initial urge to just plunge himself into her and knelt down to get a closer look and taste her. She moaned loudly with unexpected delight as he explored her with tongue and fingers. When he finally stood and pushed inside her she squealed and convulsed, her internal muscles gripping him so tightly he could not thrust in or out. As soon as she recovered she stood and pulled away from him and dressed. He stood there confused, his wet erection pointed at the sky. Her disgust was replaced by a malicious smile. She picked up her spear and turned to walk away. After a few steps she stopped and turned and walked back to him. She looked down into his hopeful eyes. She grabbed him roughly by the throat. After she realized he wouldn't fight back, she bent down and tenderly kissed him. "Tomorrow" was the only word she said to him. She didn't wait for an answer. She left him to his frustrated, yet intoxicated world.  
He thought about relieving his own need, but the depression returned, and he just put his clothes back on. The one thing that kept him from leaping was the curiosity of what might happen tomorrow. He watched her that evening as they planned the next days hunt. In her look of disgust, he thought he saw amusement, and maybe even a hint of desire. As the meeting broke up he saw her kissing a tall, fat, older man and watched them walk arm in arm back to her camp.

In the late afternoon when the slaughter of the hunted animals was nearly complete, Kotani discreetly got his attention and made the signal again. She pointed to a specific place in the woods and walked off in another direction. Durc wanted to wash off the blood in the nearby stream, but thought he would miss this opportunity if he did so. He wandered into the woods, not knowing if or when their paths would cross. He emerged on a narrow deer path. He saw nothing in either direction and continued in the direction she had pointed. After a few steps he heard a human imitation of a bird call and suspected it was her. He stepped back onto the deer path and saw her walking up the trail. She shoved him out of her way as she passed, but he knew she wanted him to follow. When the path crossed a brook she turned upstream. When he reached the small pond she had already undressed. When he approached her, she dove into the water. Durc wasn't confident in his rarely used swimming skills, but undressed and followed her in anyway. It was shallow and barely to his waist. She was rinsing the gore off her body, paying no attention to him. He got some soaproot, and began washing her back. She turned and he lovingly washed her front. She swam away from him to rinse off so he just washed himself. She had reached the far end of the pond and was standing knee deep in the water waiting for him to join her. He dove in and rinsed as he awkwardly swam to her. When he stood up in front of her, she again shoved his mouth to one breast, and then the other. Then she pushed him to his knees and pulled his face between her spread thighs. She enjoyed this even more than the previous day, finding her release at the tip of his fingers and tongue. She shoved him away and swam back to where her bloody clothes lay on the shore. She rinsed the thin skins and then wrung them dry. She stood there and watched him slowly walk across the pond, his desire obvious. She waited there naked until he was close, and then she put the clothing back on. She laughed at his obvious disappointment.  
"Tommorrow?" she asked, this time waiting for an answer. He thought about all her actions, including those with the fat man she had been kissing, and shook his head no. "Are you sure?" she asked. She looked into his eyes with a wicked smile. After a long time he shrugged. "Not even a grunt?" He looked down to the ground. "Tomorrow on our high bluff. Be there at noon or you will never touch me again." She turned and left. This time he did relieve his own need, completely unsatisfied by the release.

When Durc arrived at the bluff the following day, she was sitting cross-legged on a deerskin, sipping tea made on a small fire burning off to the side of the clearing. She made the Clan motion for him to sit down next to her. Not the signal he wanted or expected, her Clan vocabulary now apparently doubled. It was in the form of a man telling a woman to sit, and he wondered if that was intentional. She poured him some tea and handed it to him. He sipped it.  
"Do you know how rare it is for a woman to be hunt leader for an entire cave?"  
"No." Durc replied.  
"Very rare. Can you guess why?"  
He thought about it. In the Clan it would be a lack of any knowledge of how to do so. He thought it could be just a lack of drive to do so, combined with the physical weakness of most women compared to most men. But this was unlikely the case. He was likely stronger than her, but she was a far better hunter. The answer finally came to him. "Their time becomes consumed raising children."  
"That is correct. I am twenty five years and have never been 'blessed' with even an unsuccessful pregnancy. I have honored the mother with every man in my cave and most willing men at the summer meetings since I counted twelve years. Often with more than one at a time. I have not once been attracted to any of them. They fill a need I have, but it always quickly returns. I have even tried pleasures with women, no attraction at all, and rarely satisfying the need. I like pleasures, but not the person I am having them with. You, on the other hand, disgust me. You are an ugly, hairy little man. Not only am I not attracted to you, I am repulsed. It feels like I am having sex with an animal. When we first met you were a cold, distant, grunting animal. The next time you were a mysterious cold, distant, grunting person that looked like an animal. When you told me of the Clan ways, that a simple gesture was all that was required, it intrigued me. I haven't been refused often in my life, but no man wants to mate a woman incapable of being 'blessed' with children. It wasn't attraction I felt that night, it was curiosity. I'd tried just about everything, so why not an ugly little flathead man. In the dark you were much like every other man."  
She was quiet for a very long time. She poured herself more tea and sipped. "Durc, which one were you thinking about when you were on top of me?" He didn't answer, just looked at her. "Was it the woman like me, the Mamutoi woman?" He grunted and nodded slightly. She nodded, accepting this confirmation of what she had believed. "There was one difference between you and all the other men. There was a comfort and tenderness like we had been together for a long time. I figured after being with the same person for a long time, it would just get boring and repetitive. There was such a knowing intimacy in your kiss and your touch. In the middle of it I realized it wasn't me at all that you were kissing and touching. Suddenly, I wanted more than anything to be that woman. It scared me like I had never been scared in my life. You may remember I started to pull away from you. I tried to get on top and take control. But as I did that, the need to be her overwhelmed me, so I laid back and pulled you back into me and I became her for you. I never felt such closeness. Afterward, I realized what you were, and what a life with you would mean. I could not get away from you fast enough. The shame I felt was even greater than my disgust.  
"I didn't want to come to the summer meeting. I didn't ever want to see you again. Then I thought if I convinced myself I hated you, that would be better than hiding from you. Then I thought maybe dominating you, and treating you badly, making you hate me would fix this. It just made me want you more. Now what I want most is to know if you could ever feel for me what you felt for her, for both of them. I could never be with you Durc. I would lose everything. I would lose my home, my status, my family, friends, everything if they even suspected I shared furs with you. Everything, Durc. Everything. Is there anything you would trade everything for?"  
Durc had very little left in his life, so loss of it was insignificant. He did at one time have everything, and in a sense he did trade it all to see his mother again. He never would have made that trade, Ura for Ayla, willingly, consciously. "No Kotani. I would give life for Dura. Not trade everything to be with someone."  
"Exactly the answer I would give, certainly not for a hairy little grunting man. But it turns out there is one person I would trade everything for." She poured more tea, tears falling down her cheeks. "Our child."  
Durc turned to look at her. Kotani was staring off into the distance. Her words were difficult to understand. He understood the insults all too well, but was lost in her confusing change of subjects.  
"I went all winter without sharing pleasures with anyone as a self-imposed punishment for the bison slaughter. Perhaps that is another reason I crawled into your tent that night. I was full of desire for making amends with the Mother. You were the only one I shared pleasures with until I arrived at the summer meeting. I thought being with other men would make me not want to be with you so much. It doesn't matter. I have not bled since that night and it should have happened twice by now. If there is any truth to your mother's ideas about conception, then I will give birth to a hairy little grunter this winter and become an outcast. I considered going to the Zelandoni to expel the life that grows. I know that this is my one and only chance to be a mother. I try to picture my life and it is not unlike yours was when I first met you. Wandering the Earth with a daughter that looks like Dura, looking for a place I might belong. If my child is anything like Dura, I will be a proud mother. She is so smart and brave and full of life. I would have no regrets even if I was alone for the rest of my days."  
"Many words not understand. I think important ones I do. You afraid you become a victim of your own prejudice."  
Kotani turned to him, finally meeting his eyes, and laughed. "You understand perfectly."  
"Answer to first question. Possible I feel for you the way I feel for Latie. Take very long time for trust. Latie never have prejudice. She accept me from start. She not think me 'ugly hairy animal'. At least she not say to me."  
"This is my punishment from the Mother. I tried to punish myself, but she had a far better one planned for me all along. Will it disgust you if I am mother of your child?"  
"Disgust, no. Worry you not love because it is not beautiful like you."  
She laughed. "I am many things, beautiful is not one of them."  
"Outside very beautiful. Inside not as much, but can get better. I see happen some."  
"Did you come today only because of pleasures?"  
"I come because I curious. Try to understand. You enjoy me pleasure you. You enjoy hurt me. You desire me. You disgust by me. You two people. Which one true? I curious. Many Others like this, maybe all. You one way alone, another way with others. If someone come up path now, you run and hide?"  
She became alert and listened for someone nearby, his words triggering the fear. She shrugged, thinking about the rest of what he said. "You don't want pleasures with me?"  
"I want look you. I want pleasure you. I most want talk you, find truth in heart."  
"Truth in heart is I am afraid. I have never been alone."  
"Take while to get used to. You never really alone. Maybe low status. Maybe few people treat you like person. This my life. Not bad. Family enough. If you have my child, we family. My mother will be family."  
"The Ninth cave would accept me?"  
"Probably, but we go Lanzadonii."  
She looked at him confused. "Visit?"  
"No. Stay. Jondalar become flint master. Lanzadonii more accepting Clan. Accept me maybe. You come with, have baby there. If normal, you return here, everything good. Baby look like me you stay there with me. Or leave baby with me and…"  
She shook her head. "I will never leave my child." She turned and looked off the bluff and began to relax. After a long while she looked at him expectantly, almost demurely, all disgust gone from her eyes. He gave her the signal and she smiled.

"Are you saying I am bad in the furs?" Kinidar asked in a hurt voice.  
"No. I just think you should find out what Other woman is like. Donii woman will teach you what a man needs to know."  
"You have already taught me what I need to know. You want something more, teach me that too."  
"Maybe you like normal woman, not mixed like me. You should try."  
"Do you not want me anymore? I thought you liked me. I thought we were going to be together always."  
"Kinidar, I love you. I want you with me here, on our Journey, and in the spirit world. Forever. I want you not to be with me wondering what you could have had. Wondering what your normal life could be."  
"I don't want normal. You are special. I want only special. I love you."  
Dura smiled. "If you truly love me, you will do this for me. It is a normal part of becoming a Zelandonii man. We will not be together again until you do. You will tell me everything that happens. How it is the same, how it is different. How it is better, how it is worse. Don't look so sad."  
"You want to be with someone else too? Someone better?"  
Dura laughed. "No Other would want me. No one could be better than you. You come back to me better than you are. Come back to me sure I am better than Others." She was challenging him. He kissed her deeply and she almost changed her mind. She pushed him away. He walked away, looking back several times in confusion.

"I bleed first time." Dura said.  
Ayla smiled at her granddaughter. "I think with the pleasures you share with Kinidar that you never bleed, new life begin without first moon time. I am glad tea works for you."  
"I've been thinking about first rites. Kinidar opened me and we try all pleasures you describe. I start to wonder if it would be different with different man."  
"You want to participate in first rites ceremony?" Ayla asked, surprised.  
"No, I know what Other man like. I think about man of Clan." Ayla was horrified and it showed on her face. All she could envision was this little girl being forced by the hateful Broud. She knew that few, if any other Clan men were like Broud. But Clan women were just receptacles to be used for their needs.  
"Are you really considering that?"  
"I don't know. How do you think a man of the Clan would react to receiving the signal?" The concept was so foreign, Ayla had no answer. "Maybe not a man, but an older boy."  
"He would likely become very angry with woman who doesn't know her place. What made you think of such a thing?"  
"Woman hunter from 29th cave gave Durc signal."  
Ayla could not believe this. She had been watching Kotani closely, still not trusting her very much. Ayla had seen the malicious looks she gave Durc. "Where did you see this?"  
"High bluff to west of camp. I follow her up there because I see her watching Durc go there. I worried for his safety. Have stone ready in sling when she stand in front of him with spear. Almost threw it, but then she gave him signal. She put spear down, take off clothes and bend over. She finish but not let him finish. I don't know why."  
This made no sense to Ayla. She changed the subject back to Dura's first moon time and asked her specific medical questions.

"Kotani. I need to speak with you about Durc." Ayla said.  
"Certainly Zelandoni." The huntress turned to face Ayla, leaning on her spear.  
"I don't like the way you are looking at him. It appears hostile."  
"I'm sorry Zelandoni, I don't know what you think you saw. I have the utmost respect for your son and his people. Even more now than the last time we spoke." Ayla saw deception in her eyes, but it did not seem malicious. It was more concealment. Even the normally protective Wolf was rubbing his head against her hip as she rubbed the fur on the top of his head. "I hear you are moving to the Lanzadonii. Do you know what the hunting is like there?"  
Ayla could tell she was more than interested. "I have hunted there. Bigger mountains, steeper hills. Why do you ask?"  
"Just thinking about getting away from the politics of the 29th cave. Seeing a little more of the world. The only traveling I have done my whole life is to the summer meetings."  
Ayla could not make sense of this. It was almost like she wanted to visit them. She absently asked the question out loud. "You wish to visit us there?"  
"That is so nice of you to offer Zelandoni. How could I possibly refuse? Of course, it is such a long way and if I spend much time hunting there, it could be difficult to get back here before winter. Do you think I could stay until spring? I will certainly hunt and provide far more than my share of the winter supply. More than for two." Kotani placed her free hand on her belly as she said this. Ayla finally put it all together and almost laughed out loud.  
"You are afraid it might be his." Ayla said. Not a question, just a statement of her new understanding. "If it is acceptable to the others in my family, your long-term presence would be welcome."  
"Thank you Zelandoni." She walked away as Ayla wondered how an angry confrontation had turned into an invitation to move in. She set all the confusion aside with the single thought that this would be a way to keep Durc with her perhaps for the rest of her life. She could not stop smiling the rest of the day.

"Kinidar, you think you are ready for manhood?" He looked at the older woman. She was on the heavy side, large breasts and hips but a slim waist.  
"I am already a man." He said defiantly in his high squeaky voice.  
"Oh really. Perhaps you would like to show me just how manly you are." She went to grab his crotch and he jumped back. "Big man afraid of a little woman like me?" He wanted to leave, but he knew Dura was serious about not being with him until he went through with this. He tried to gain the knowledge from the older boys who made fun of him, and seemingly knew far less than he did. This woman was about as physically the opposite of Dura as could be.  
She grew tired of waiting. "Follow me if you want to." She said over her shoulder, walking away. At the door flap her private instruction tent, she turned and looked at him, opening the front of her tunic for him. He was aroused and feeling guilty about it. He finally made up his mind and followed her into the tent.

"Dura, you made a far better Donii woman than she could ever be. I was teaching her things."  
"I bet you hated every minute of it. You'll have to try a different one and keep going until you find one that has something to teach you."  
"She did teach me one thing, but I'm not sure you will like it."  
"What?" Dura asked hopefully.  
"It's hard to describe. I'd have to show you."  
"You're just trying to trick me." She pushed him away.  
"Fine. But if all the Donii women fall in love with me, it will be your fault." He walked away backwards, keeping her in sight until he turned the corner.  
Kinidar had to admit that there were benefits to the training. Each woman was different. Understanding the sometimes subtle differences opened up new paths of exploration. Dura knew what to try, knew what she liked. She didn't know how to try or when to try. Things not liked before climax were sometimes loved afterward. Dura did not normally like her feet touched, but post coital foot massages were almost as enjoyable as the pleasures themselves and often got things going again.

Chapter 10: Relocation

"How many trips do you think it will take." Ayla asked.  
Jondalar thought about it. "Probably three if we want to ride the horses. Two if we walk. We can leave some here until next year when we come to the summer meeting."  
"What if we don't come back? The Lanzadonii have their own summer meeting. "  
"You think I will not come back here to visit my mother and the rest of my family?" Jondalar asked incredulously.  
"Marthona should come live with us."  
"She says it would be too painful to be near Dalonar again."  
"They are both alone now. Perhaps they could be close again."  
"I doubt that. Anyway, even two trips could take the rest of the summer."  
"Do you not want to go? We can stay another winter or two." Jondalar offered, still not certain he wanted to move.  
"No. We need to go now. Let's bring things we absolutely need and establish the hearth. Then we can see how much we really need to take on the second trip. It won't take long if we can ride the horses on the next one."  
"Let's head back to the Ninth cave and start packing up after the funeral for Zelan… Zolena. It is hard to believe she is gone."  
As news spread of their decision to leave, many came to talk with them. Some wanted to travel with them to see the Lanzadonii and offered to carry a load of their belongings for them. It suddenly became a large organizational problem coordinating the movement of dozens of people. Jonayla began to plan everything with a little guidance from Marthona.  
It became a small traveling summer meeting with nightly feasts and music and small side hunts as they moved day by day. Ayla realized that many of these people were not just interested in visiting. Some were seriously considering making the move themselves. They saw the growing divide in the culture. Much of the divide had been created by Ayla and her strange ideas and ways. Many were happy to see her go. A few saw her way as the better one, and feared a slide back to old thoughts and traditions in Ayla's, and Zolena's, absence.  
Because there were so many strangers traveling with them, Kotani continued to avoid Durc publicly. They still found ways to slip away separately and meet privately for both talking and pleasuring. Neither were doing well learning each other's first languages, but sometimes Kotani preferred his grunt to a long winded discussion or argument.  
Dura and Kinidar scouted ahead for each night's stopping place and made an overnight run all the way to Dalonar's cave to warn them of the large group approaching. They were grateful for the advanced notice, and Joplaya began preparations to receive them and give the best possible impression to the Zelandonii cousins. The population of the Lanzadonii was about to double.  
On the way back to the traveling group, Dura found a large cave. It was perfect for a large group to live in. It reminded her of the one she grew up in.

(Stayed half moon, mother festival, leadership discussion, faster return with no load to carry except flint for trade – Jonayla. Kotani stays to help with hunting supply build up for extra people staying the winter. Dura hears more stories from far east.)

On the return walk…  
"What is your plan Durc?" Ayla asked in Clan signs as they walked behind the large group in between the horses dragging large flint nodules on pole drags.  
"Ugly baby she stay. Pretty baby she go… maybe."  
"Maybe go? She seems to like you. Dalonar was all over her at the mother festival, many men were. She chose you, unafraid of what people might think."  
"Perhaps she just secure place for winter. She not bring belongings from 29th cave. She say not much there, but she prefer go back I think."  
"Do you think this is a place you might stay even if she does not?"  
"It is good place. Better place. I like Joplaya and mixed family. Perhaps this is Clan future, mixing with Others. Place where everyone welcome. Cave Dura find good clan cave. Maybe make home next summer with ugly baby and beautiful mate." He smiled.  
"I'd like you to stay, to be happy. She makes you happy sometimes. Could be long winter if sometimes not happy."  
"Very long winter if all times not happy."  
"Far from help if needed."  
"True. Far from Others not always bad. I take Dura north, prepare for children visit. She need take break from Kinidar." Ayla thought about telling him of her possible plan to give a flathead boy the signal, but hoped Dura had put that behind her.  
"Without Kotani up there, do you think it is still safe?"  
"She say yes. Maybe for many years. Bad winter scare everyone.  
"I cross mountain and talk Guban also. Want him to know what is happening. Clan gathering next summer on his side of mountain. Maybe I go that too."  
"I wish I could go."  
"Guban welcome medicine woman on horse."  
"Yes, Guban would. Not other Clan."  
"Visit on horse, they stop thinking he make up story." Durc smiled. "Joplaya love Jondalar."  
"You noticed that?"  
"Not healthy love. She part sister, same father. Will be hard in same cave together."  
"Life is boring without conflict. She treat mate well, all is good. I have thought much about possessions. We have things and use them to survive, and to enjoy our lives. Without fire we do not survive winter. We do not possess fire. We borrow it, feed it, eventually it goes out. What we possess is the knowledge, the ability to make another fire. Even with a fire stone, must have dry tinder, must have wood to burn. It is same with people. We do not possess people. We only borrow them from the Great Earth Mother. Even our own bodies are just temporarily borrowed. In the beginning Jondalar tried to possess me, wanted me all to himself. That was fine because I only wanted him. Then there was a misunderstanding, and his need to have me all to himself prevented him from having me at all. Soon I understood this possessiveness and I catered to it, started to expect it from him.  
"Then another misunderstanding drove him to someone else for pleasures. I spent much time thinking about why I need him to be only with me. It is the fear of losing him. If I know he'll always be there for me and Jonayla, who he has pleasure with means nothing. I need him for mate, not just pleasures. He think if I have pleasures with other man, I will want him less. Not true, but he think. Problem in thinking, not in being. If Joplaya think pleasure with Jondalar make happy, she is welcome to try. Will not make happy, only reveal need for something she cannot have, his love and attention. She already have that, but does not see it. Problem in thinking."

Uncharacteristically Dura chose to walk with her father, running ahead not even a thought in her mind. More than anything she was sure by the end of the summer she would bid him farewell and not see him again until they were together in the spirit world.  
"I am sorry father."  
"For what?"  
"Many things. Mostly for the worry. I did not really understand. I have lived such a wonderful life. I owe that all to you. Not just my life, but the way I have been allowed to live it. It is a gift I did not truly know the value of. You have worried every time I run from sight. Soon I will run from sight and never return. You will live your long days wondering what happened to me. I now understand this because Kinidar is gone from my sight and I want so desperately to see him again. I cannot imagine living a long life with this pain. For this, I am most sorry."  
"You are not the first loved one to disappear from my life, and you will not be the last. Without you I never would have come here to find my mother. Without you I would be in the spirit world now with your mother. I am glad for that, no matter how much I wish to be with her. Getting you ready for your Journey has been my sole purpose in this wonderful adventure. I have made my peace with your leaving. Don't be sorry. Make the most of your life. I will try to do the same.  
"I will father. Can I ask you something personal?" He grunted, wondering what was to come. "If mother was alive now, she would be the only one you would have been… intimate with?"  
"There is no doubt. I only ever wanted her."  
"You have now been with other women. Are you glad for the experience?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Having something to compare to, to contrast with. I might be happy only eating bison meat, if I had never tasted reindeer, or mammoth, or..."  
"Tasting other animals is good for pleasure of eating. It does not matter for preventing starvation, all animal keep you alive same. Love is more than survive, more than pleasure. Love is purpose to survive and have pleasure." He held up his index finger. "I love Kotani this much." He extended the other four fingers. "I love Latie this much. This how much I love Ura." He began opening and closing both hands until Dura nodded in understanding. "When Ura gone, you are my love, my purpose. Maybe Kotani child become my purpose. What matters is that I still have purpose.  
"You taste only bison. All love is exciting at beginning. Soon it wears off and you wonder if other meat better. It will be, but only for that exciting beginning. Soon all meat is same no matter how many different ones your try. What you should focus on is purpose of eating. Kinidar share many of the things you love. Same purpose. Ura and Durc share much more purpose. From earliest memories we were told we had one unique person in all the world for each other and we would be together. Our lives become this purpose of being together. We were different from those around us, but same different as each other. There was never doubt, never desire for any other because there were no other real options. If many deformed children in Clan, Ura and Durc not have special love, special purpose, special life. Do not compare what we had with what you could have."  
"Kinidar is special because he never shows disgust for what I am. Rare among Others, almost unique. From first meeting he was not afraid to touch me. Only Clan children not afraid to touch me. They treat me low status, but not treat me like disgusting animal. I think I should leave Kinidar behind and Journey alone. I'm afraid he will die chasing my dream. He says he shares dream. But I am his dream, not the Journey."  
"Journey better two people. Father worry less." Dura looked at him quizzically. "Lion chase, you faster than Kinidar." His humor was so rare that it always surprised her. Birds were startled from their trees by the sound of her laughter. "Kinidar die, find another soon, but never one as fast as you."  
"I will father, I promise."

Dura remained her demure self while they stayed in Korg's cave. This was the first time she had been to a Clan cave since she left her original home. Only Durc had been allowed to visit at the beginning of the summer. They still did not trust the Others, even though there had been no incidents between the groups. Dura watched the Clan people with fascination. She grew up in a very different kind of Clan because of Durc's influence. She knew this was supposed to have been her life. The violence between the two groups had created her parents, and their love created her and gave her a life so much greater than this. In the dim firelight she saw men giving the signal and the women on all fours quietly receiving their penetration. It was very much like the animals in the wild, though she could tell the women did not seem to dislike the experience. She wondered if any felt the ultimate pleasure waves that she felt. She thought she saw one of the women give a small shudder as her man grunted in climax. She wondered if she should ask her.  
On the third day she was picking berries and digging roots with the women. There was little talk with the busy hands. She had assessed all the older boys, and even some of the young hunters but found none of them appealing enough to try giving the signal to. Ayla's warning of violent reaction was ever present in her mind, and better understood that seeing how women were generally treated. She had given up on the whole idea by the end of the quarter moon.  
"Dura." Korg grunted to get her attention. "Get water bags and follow me to river." She did as asked, looking forward to getting out of servitude and back to her normal life in a few days. "You can stop pretending now that we are alone. You have been a good Clan girl, but I know you are not that, girl who hunts."  
"Women who hunts" she motioned to correct him.  
"Durc did not mention that. He did mention that you are leaving on a long Journey and I shall never see you again."  
"Maybe in the spirit world." She motioned hopefully.  
"I would welcome that. It has been a strange life I have lived, close to Others. Many unusual problems to be solved. It would have been useful to have someone like you and the man of your hearth to advise me. I tried to get him to stay with us, but he was not interested. I think because you don't belong here. Do you think he might be after you leave?"  
"No." She said simply.  
Korg grunted, already knowing the answer. "Do you think trouble with Others over?"  
"No. Just delayed. Two years, maybe three." Korg grunted again. They reached the stream and Dura knelt and filled the water bags. When she stood and turned back to Korg, he looked away awkwardly, making it all the more obvious he had been watching her. It was hard to tell under his bulky wrap, but she thought his manhood was full with need. He was older, but here was a kind man, open to her being different. He had treated her almost as an equal. She thought about the signal but knew that would be pointless. She thought about getting on her knees and taking him into her mouth like Kinidar loved so much. She instead put the water bags down, walked to a few paces in front of him and got on all fours, pushing her wrap to the side. She heard nothing from behind her, neither approach or walking away.  
When she finally heard movement toward her she became wet and began to tingle in anticipation. She braced herself when he knelt behind her. He was large, maybe twice Kinidar's size, and his rough entry sent all kinds of strange feelings through her. His rough hands gripped her hip bones with incredible strength. She suddenly knew she could not escape him and a wave of panic shot through her. He pounded into her and once the initial shock faded she felt the intense animal pleasure of it. She cried out when the orgasm hit her and he stopped suddenly. She was so lost in the wave of pleasure she had no idea if he had finished. In watching the Clan coupling, the men generally disengaged quickly after finishing, but he remained inside her, hard and unmoving. He tentatively pulled away and then then slowly pushed back inside. She guessed that her crying out was thought to be pain and that is why he stopped. She began pushing back against him and pivoting her hips to let him know she wanted him to continue. He did so, but not as roughly. When she felt his final thrust and heard the drawn out growling grunt she shuddered again with a second release of her own. He withdrew, leaving her panting and trembling.  
When she finally stood and adjusted her wrap, he was a good distance away staring at the water in the stream. She picked up the water bags and carried them over to him and put them back down and knelt at his feet, waiting to be tapped on the shoulder. He did not acknowledge her. She waited a long time and then just made the few motions she thought were necessary.  
"This woman is grateful she could relieve need of leader. Leader relieve this woman needs too." He grunted and then walked back toward the cave. She picked up the water bags and followed as the subservient Clan woman, thinking the Mammoth meat was pretty tasty.

Chapter 11: Children

"That was far more successful than I expected." Jonayla said.  
"For those that participated. Maybe we will know better by how many wish to participate next year."  
"Everyone of them said they wanted to come back."  
"Yes. If only same ones return, this is good. Better if more next time."  
"I bet it will be double next time once the stories are told widely."  
"I hope this is true."  
"Why are you so down then, brother?" Jonayla had taken to calling Durc this as they grew closer. She wanted him to feel like family despite the general ostracizing of the Ninth cave. He appreciated it, but knew it was far from the truth. He would always be on the outside because his father was the murderous Broud.  
"Dura leave soon. She not share this with me next year. Mind wanders to danger too often."  
"If anyone can survive a long jorney, it will be her. I bet she will grow tired of running in a few moons and crave the comfortable fires of our cave."  
"Her mother tell me she will not stop running until her final day here on this Earth."  
"Does she talk to you often?"  
"No. Only when I am near death from my stupid, careless failures. I always try to stay there with her, but she make me come back to help Dura. Hopefully next time I get to stay."  
"I wish I could have met her. She sounds like a good person."  
"She was good Clan woman."

"There aren't enough supplies put away for the winter." Joplaya said with some worry.  
"Then we shall get more."  
"There are too many people."  
"Should I make them go back?"  
"Of course not. I just don't know how…"  
"Relax, Joplaya. Everything is easier with the horses help. What is most important?"  
"Firewood. We will have to heat four new dwellings."  
"Easily taken care of. The horses can drag entire trees back here. What else?"  
"We don't have enough meat dried."  
"Hunting is easier from horseback. We'll have plenty in two weeks. You worry too much."  
"I have to now. Dalonar just doesn't…" She broke down crying. Jondalar wrapped his arms around her in comfort.  
"I know. He's not always with us anymore. It is good timing that we are here now to help."  
Ayla watched the two from a distance as she brushed the horses. She felt the twinges of jealousy. She wondered why. It wasn't because she disliked Joplaya as she had disliked Marona. She thought maybe it was more the dishonesty of her actions. She seemed to be playing weak in order to manipulate Jondalar into helping her. She was anything but weak when he wasn't around. Jondalar finally disengaged the embrace and headed down toward Ayla and the horses.  
"I need to go kill some trees."  
"It is too late in the season for that."  
"Yes. They will be for next winter. While I do that, I will look for recent deadfall to use this year. The horses will be busy the next few weeks. Do we have enough grain for them?"  
"Yes, but I will collect more. What we need is a better place to store it, along with the firewood."  
"I'm afraid we didn't leave enough time for this move. We should have waited until next year for the children's gathering."  
"That was more important. We'll just have to do what we can."  
Jondalar nodded and rode off on Racer toward the nearby hardwood forest. He used an axe to cut deep into the bark all the way around some oak trees. This would cut off the flow of life giving water to the upper branches. The would die out and the standing tree would dry out. Left to nature, the tree would begin to rot and eventually topple over. Before that could happen, they would cut the tree down and split it up into easily manageable firewood logs. He chose trees that were not too big for the horses to drag, and ones that could be felled without damaging others on the way down. He found two that were mostly dead already, possibly from lightning strikes. He spent the remaining hours of sunlight beginning the tedious process of chopping into the base, then resharpening the stone axe.

Chapter 12: Departure

Dura finished pushing items into her pack. She watched Kinidar doing the same, with far less confidence. "You don't have to go with me." She finally said.  
"There is only one place in this world I will ever be happy. That is by your side. Running with you to the Great Eastern sea was the most fun I have ever had. Going the Great Southern Sea could only be better. Going to a place where there is no winter sounds like the best life possible. I love you Dura. I am with you until the end."  
"I love you too, Kinidar."

Dura hugged Durc goodbye. He had walked with her after she had said her goodbyes to the rest. Kinidar had walked ahead and was waiting by the tree line, but not looking in their direction. There were no words left to be said. They had said them all knowing this day was coming. Durc smiled and gave her a shove down the path. She waved as she ran to catch up to Kinidar and they disappeared into the woods. He continued to stare in that direction, as he once did when the blond spirit had disappeared from his life so many years before. This time he knew he would not try to follow the most important woman in his life.  
Kotani approached him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. He felt her protruding belly against his back. He knew both of them would leave him too. It was the pattern of his life. He had Dura for 14 years. It was enough. If he got as many with this new child, he would count himself most fortunate. Durc turned and looked up into the woman's eyes. She hid her disgust, her contempt, her disappointment at the the life she was now forced to endure. She had watched Dura run into the distance. If the child growing inside her was half the woman Dura had become, Kotani would be happy.  
The two walked up the hill to their small dwelling. Durc did his best not to think about the dangers in front of his daughter.

The End … until Dura's Journey.


End file.
